As an owner of a pit bull that doesn’t beat the fuck out of it, this concept enrages me beyond belief. There really needs to be legislation that if you are legally punished for mistreating animals that you get banned from owning them for life.

No doubt when this traumatized dog snaps and bites someone, it will be put down and this asshole will go get another giant “I’m the Man” breed that he has no idea how to train or control to replace it.

I have the same gait when I have to poop.

• Lochtail Party

Show me Aristotle getting a full Brazilian, and I’ll show you someone who’s waxing philosophically.

“Grandpa, tell me again how you got injured and missed the Cubs’ first World Series championship in over 100 years?”

If my baton hand-off efforts were interrupted by the stroke of a hot Brazilian, I’d probably lose control and just wildly toss it as well.

“Hey, I may be sleazy and corrupt, but...what was the third thing you said again?”

How could the combination of the Olympics and boxing not be above board? I am so shocked by these allegations I might just have to use an exclamation point to express my outrage.

Is it just me, or was that definitely a strike?

Don’t even get me started. I just got electrocuted last night and boy are my synapses tired.

Who would have guessed that he was a dick?

I got 11:

#HotTake: This was intentionally done by a team employee who 1) thought it would be funny or 2) was making a statement about the team trading for him. Because the chance that this was a random occurrence- that song for that player- is zero.

Which is why I don’t get why crossfit takes something so beautiful and fucks it up. Oly lifts (especially the clean and jerk) aren’t supposed to be done by a suburban mom for as many reps as possible under 2 minutes with shitty form.

Baylor President: “We are being hammered for still not being Title IX compliant. Someone give me an option. A good for the team option.”

Coach: “Florida just got away with a booster running the hearings.”

please please please let there be épée people...

Wichita State center Rauno Nurger suffered a concussion had to get stitches to close a cut on his chin

“AAARGAGAAAAAHHHGGGGGHHHAAAAAAGGGHHHH” - Donald Trump, at all times, for some reason.

“AAARGAGAAAAAHHHGGGGGHHHAAAAAAGGGHHHH” - anyone, at a party, for some reason.