Try to read that without compulsively stroking your chin in a display of deep contemplation. You can’t!

Nodding intensifies

I’m a dinosaur truther. The truth is that dinosaurs are fucking awesome.

Wtf trip is this packing for? A lounging trip?

My fantasy team stinks.

Come on, now, how are you going to leave this show off?

12 oz. Mouse should have been #1, how is it not even on the list?

I’m at a floss for words.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling Seahawks fans to suck it.

I just enjoy that he’s pretty much always smiling. Sports are fun, dammit.

Here’s the funny thing about Cam Newton, who has so far led the Carolina Panthers to a 8-1 record: his numbers aren’t even all that spectacular.

Any QB who can go 8 - 1 with that schedule is incredible.

Where can we place a bet on the outcome of this legal fight?

If William Gay and DeAngelo Williams really loved their mothers, they would’ve appeared in Chunky Soup commercials with them.

To be fair, the NFL has done a lot to promote domestic violence awareness.

Wow, totally forgot about No More.

Why don’t we compromise? I suggest “King Muscle Hamster the Inconsistent.”

Doug, you can’t fight a nickname, it only makes it stick more. You have to learn to accept it. You’ll even grow to like it. You will, I swear! Trust me.

The games, and therefore the meticulously crafted brand, are televised. That’s it. It’s why guys get strict penalties for throwing a football in the stands but Greg Hardy gets paid $13 million after throwing a woman on a pile of guns. Or, more succinctly, why Ray Rice was suspended for two games until somebody saw…