Chase Utley is also turning baseball into football.

Sure. I count four deaths this fall. And it’s the first week of October. I guess it’s possible that many kids died in math class, or band rehearsals.

Why does Cam Newton always look like a Madden video game character in game photos?

Ed Hochuli is, I believe, a lawyer by his full-time profession. So I would have to assume he is lying here.

Diets are for suckers.

if football fans are good at anything, it’s finding creative ways to stay as shitfaced as possible while turning the stadium into a hell on Earth.

What if we sent all the autism-causing vaccines to Russia? Problem solved.

Seriously, Deadspin, before all the snark pours in, for stories like this you should be noting the suicide prevention hotline number and other relevant resources.

Please if you are having suicidal thoughts or just struggling with depression talk to a friend or call the suicide prevention hotline. They’re there to help: 1-800-273-8255.

Well, I’m glad I didn’t take that guy in my survival pool this week.