“Abortion coaster.”

I would have done the exact same thing.

I had Red Lobster leftovers in my boyfriend’s fridge once, and his friend came over and ate it when we were out. Who the fuck goes to someone's house and eats their leftovers?! They said I was overreacting but I made that fucker pay me back.

I'm not sure about my three with hats, even though it would be fabulous, because I bought one cat a sparkly tiara and another a big pearls necklace, and so far there's been no cooperation with my efforts to glam them up. I realize that may sound like I have an odd, sad life.

I fuckin hate thinking I’m going to eat something and not having it. Have had fights with my parents because of it. Ask for my leftovers before and I’ll share them because I don’t like being selfish but don’t eat it without telling me and then I get the surprise that It’s not there.

He really doesn’t mind the stegasaurus hat

That was the first fight I had with the Mr. when we moved in together! It was like, listen asshole, I’ll put up with a lot of your shit, but eat my leftover enchiladas and I will knife you in your goddamn sleep. It hasn’t happened again.

That is the worse. At least, he now learned.

It’s not jokes, Dee Breezy, if that’s even your real name, it’s not fucking jokes. This is pizza, fuck!

I was going to suggest that there might be more important things going on in the world today, but then realized I would rather read about pizza theft right now. Carry on.

My aunt stole my bread pudding with homemade whipped cream. She finally made it up to me by giving me some new bread pudding.

You can tell he’s constantly pulling this bait-and-switch nonsense and then blaming her for not reading his inconsistent mind. He’s not good in bed. This much is obvious.

The thing is, he wanted chicken, she bought him chicken, she asked if he wanted pizza, he said no, he nibbled hers, pretended he didn’t want any, and then ate the original fucking thing anyway when she bought herself a whole other slice. This fucking guy is too much work, he’s a goddamned liar, and he can fuck off…

I would hate that this existed but I would so be there.

I think you have a future planning Christian themed amusement parks! I would totally fork over money to go to your theme park....as long as I can attend in an ironic way👼

Bwahaha!!!! And like if Jesus is carrying me through the awful shit....PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN AND STOP THE AWFUL SHIT! YOURE *GOD*!!

+1 abortion coaster

Looking at you, Dick Cheney.