A bronzed god with silver hair issues forth a golden shower.

I understand your concern but don’t know why you’re implicating me in all this.

Well, Lochte might not be a good representative of America, but at least he’s an accurate one.

Yeah, that whole thing where they placed 1-2-3 in the 100m hurdles, took gold in both men and women’s long jump, finishing 1-2 in the women’s, or took home a medal for both men and women’s steeplechase, which they hadn’t done in years, or when the US men beat the reigning world champions in straight sets in…

If my baton hand-off efforts were interrupted by the stroke of a hot Brazilian, I’d probably lose control and just wildly toss it as well.

failed to hand the baton to English Gardner.’

That is good and proper. Bowel health should always be prioritized over spectator sports, especially those as shoddily produced as these Olympics.

The analysis is much more sophisticated than that. Take a look at the Sim Swam article.

Let this be a lesson why you should never tell your mother anything.

To be fair, Lochte probably doesn’t know the difference.

I think we should be more worried about this 4th swimmer who is attempting to swim all the way home

Enciclopédia Marrom broke the case when Lochte said the robber spoke Spanish, as the official language of Brazil is Portuguese.

Ok, so change the numbers to 10 MPH for the swimmer and 5 for the current...

Now he’s going at an average of ten miles an hour.

You’re correct in your first point, but this is the absolutely worst example you can write because it doesn’t prove your point at all.

Yes, currently they are

The Rio pool crew is reading this and is like, “Hey, just be glad the water’s not fucking green.”

Actually, Lochte and his three teammates all gave different stories to police, steadfast in their commitment to the medley relay.

It might have to do with being out after a curfew, or out drinking, against the advice or orders of the US Swim Team. Not “trouble” like being sent to jail, but trouble like “What the hell did we tell you about going off on your own in Rio?” from a coach.

Phew, for a second there I thought the Brazilian police might be corrupt.

I got robbed once with two friends while walking to the Hell-Osco on Milwaukee Avenue in Chicago. Following that ordeal, what started as a grocery run turned into a marathon beer and shot session (with many free rounds when we retold the hold up story). Adrenaline works in strange ways.

As an Olympic swimmer, Lochte has called the experience, “The second most painful Brazilian of my life,”