Police were already looking for the official, whom multiple witnesses described as being “all over” Michael Phelps.

Screw this. I got other stuff to do. To complete the joke, just remember a picture of all the empty seats in any arena and hope Univision dumps some capital into Kinja.

Haters gonna hate, but I respect any Olympic athlete. Except those horse riding fuckers.

That’s not White dick.

I was totally expecting his dick pics. This is awkward now.

Paul Bettany fucking sucks at diving, but he was good as the Robot Boy in Avengers 2: the Avengening.

“You can take the Rams out of Missouri, but you can’t take Missouri out of the Rams.”

Regardless, she became the first person at the Olympics all week to dive into something blue.

I’ve been slightly shocked by all the whining about this since last night (not this post, obviously). I’m a huge fan of Allyson Felix, and she ran her butt off for that last 100M to make it a tight finish, but Miller won. Fair and square.

Personally, I found his tribute to Flight 370 incredibly touching.

It stopped?

It’s incredible to think that from ‘05-’07, Curt Schilling may not have been the biggest shithead in his own clubhouse.

I would’ve thought that the fact that you don’t own a pool would’ve been the biggest reason not to have a pool boy, but I’m not one to judge...

The water was “confused.”

And here I thought Brazilian was synonymous with no hare.

Q: “How did you name this organization?”

Duck Fuckers!

He's gonna claim they stole all his medals so the insurance company replaces them. Bippity boppity boom, more medals than phelps.

Pffttt 2nd all time who cares? Now the 3rd place guy he’s great

Of course. Don’t get me started on them. But Collins is bad at every objective aspect of managing. Maybe he’s good at “motivating players” or improving skills, but he's terrible at pregame and in game decision making.