Because:

Why does being white mean you have no stake in this?

I guess the CBC commentators are a little out of their depth when it comes to unfrozen water. At least they are gold medalists in apologizing.

For a second there, Ryan Lochte thought he’d dyed and gone to heaven.

Yikes. Good thing these preseason injuries don’t count!

Sure, lots of times.

To be fair, the Raiders picked Sebastian Janikowski in the first round, and I’m pretty sure he could do that while drunk.

It can only get better from here.

You pick a kicker that high if he can kick 75 yarders backwards. Holy shit, and I thought the Cowboys couldn’t draft.

Sidewinders is good. I also like Las Vegas Desert Storm and Quebec Nordiques.

ah yes, wouldn’t want anyone to remember you can gamble in Las Vegas. People would just start pouring into the casinos to bet on hockey then....

My personal preference is “please clap.”

Seems a little weird/creepy to me.

Iowa is a state.

Is it Ashley or Slack that makes all her messages look like haiku?

You didn’t see her, but she saw you. She saw you coming from miles away.

i will splice your content on my blog I have one post and like 12 followers pls confirm

When I went to the Deadspin Awards (#humblebrag) I got to meet all of the writers I wanted to meet, with one major exception: Ashley Feinberg. She is a genius and a madwoman.

Ashley seems like the kind of coworker you see running towards the elevator you’re in, while you desperately push the “doors close” button, but she gets her hand in there at the last second.

FYI, Teixeira is actually retiring at the end of the season, not Friday.