You may not own <insert anything here>. In fact, it's possible you don't even know what it is. But hopefully, by the time you've heard us out, you'll be convinced you need one.

Great question. Stock prices pretty much have only two elements: the earnings (which is what you're buying) and a multiple assigned by hopeful (or fearful) investors. That multiple is called the P/E ratio (Price ÷ Earnings). If the PE stays constant, there is only one other reason a stock price goes up: earnings went…

I'm an American living abroad. It helps to have a larger perspective.

Except there's only one loser: humanity

Montana through New Mexico are part of the West, though. I mean, you can squabble about mountain west vs. southwest vs. Pacific coast, but it's not like that's inaccurate.

Lurleen. Lurleen. Lurleen. Lurrrleeeeen.
I'm begging of you please put down that pan.
Lurleen. Lurleen. Lurleen. Lurrrleeeeen.
Please don't bake it just because you can.

But honestly though, civic pride is the most worthless emotion in the human repertoire.

That's right. Most worthless.

* Rob: Oregon Trail was a game you were supposed to lose. It's the Kobayashi Maru for second graders.

Are you kidding? If they sent me to St. Louis to eat stuff and make fun of it, I'd go in a heartbeat. That would make for some GREAT kinja.

No mention of St. Lou's own Anheuser-Busch? The company has done more to corrupt and damage the idea of proper beer than any other single entity on Earth?

In California most 4th graders could take you on a tour of one of the historic spanish missions. I think the C&H Sugar company loves that time of year when kids ransack the sugar isle for sugar cubes so they can make their 1/32nd scale missions out of sugar cubes.

Generally in Texas, those three years are referred to as "fourth grade".

Don Shoup's book The High Cost of Free Parking (which all sentient beings should read) points out, in a footnote IIRC, that most of what Joseph Smith declared to be the Garden of Eden is covered by surface parking lots.

I made the mistake of clicking on the Gerber sandwich link:

The Show Me Then I'll Take Credit for Inventing It State

A 4th Century Roman cook book includes a recipe for a baked patty of ground meat served on bread. But it's well known how St. Louis basically invented Rome, so I think that still counts for them.

You know what'd be cool is if people stopped expecting their lives to reflect movie cliches altogether. Wearing a woman down til she loves you. Precocious kids who are wiser than adults. Token minority friends doling out folk wisdom and fashion tips. Moving up from the mail room to a high-powered Wall Street job just…

WELL MAYBE IF I STALL HER WHILE HER BLOOD SUGAR IS LOW SHE'LL TRIP UP AND LOVE ME.

Not to mention how many of them are structured to make it look like the WOMAN is being awful. Like, ugh, what a stuck up bitch! She wants to keep dating her stable seeming handsome doctor boyfriend instead of this zany type who keeps showing up every goddamn where she goes? WOMenzzz!