She lost her license because she refused the breath test and her awesome parents took her car away.Her parents are the heroes here.

Me too. Although I must admit, I have lived in and around Boston my whole life and I don’t have and can’t do a Boston accent.

Not even Haundz Tewth?

I love you so much right now.

Two words, Hailee Steinfeld: Secret Bangs ™

I do not like selfies. I do not understand this obsession everyone has now of taking so many pictures of themselves. Not like everyone's photo albums from the 70's and 80's is full of fuckin polaroids they took of their dumb face. This new vapid, sycophantic culture makes me want to die. Doesn't everyone hate the way…

This is disgusting. It’s not about the kids at all. It’s about the parents.

For some reason my brain mixed up the last two words in my head and I actually said “Snake cacks?” out loud.

It’s been a long week.

I got the Topshop eyeliner because that sounds AMAZING and I don’t care about being able to remove my eyeliner. I will sleep in it and roll out of the bed the next day like yeah, I already did my makeup. Also got a $2 crop top because why not?

Uh, I am very excited by this. “Get Out” and “Too Little, Too Late” are vastly underrated gems.

This is like the first time the pet looks like the celebrity.

As a recovered anorexic, I feel the same way. Get away from me with your gluten free, no carb nonsense!!!

As a recovered bulimic, I’d much rather hear a silly joke about it than read about my friends Fitbits or their clean eating plans or their Shake-ology lifestyle.

That is not a real reason!!!! Hahaha, seriously, I think they are both beautiful on the inside. And I am crossing my fingers that no one will come up with a story where they have raped people or are fierce anti-feminists.

They did it for Kyle Chandler so, you know, there’s a chance.

I want John Hamm to win an Emmy for The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

Nope, no. Just no. It’s Hamm’s year. It's a cumulative Emmy, fine, but Don Draper is absolutely deserving of a trophy.

photo of the author.

Such a mom thing to think.