This remains the best reaction face ever, and I hope it made Boehner cry for hours later that night.

OK, that’s the side eye gold standard right there.

This morning an Asian guy bought a car in my name and robbed a bank.

I wonder how many toppings she puts on her grilled cheese sandwiches?

“Miracle Whip”

When that voice in your head says “you probably shouldn’t do that” chimes in. You should listen.

It’s hard to sneak out/in your parent’s house when driving a car with glasspacks.

Stop buying other people’s project cars, took me 2 cars to figure this out. When you buy someone else’s project, complete out incomplete you’re also buying their problems that they can’t solve and in turn won’t tell you because they’re afraid it will turn you away. You’re also buying a slew of wiring that has no…

“140kph”

I learned at the age of 4 not to stick a twist tie into an electrical outlet the hard way.

These people. I started getting side salads and let me tell you, I’ve been eating a lot less fries. Lost a few pounds too. 

I love these letters where the writer starts out sounding halfway rational but once they build up a head of steam go full bore into Crazytown. 

Point.  Set.  Match.

This is fucking genius

They need a better evacuation plan. 

Dude’s going to meet his maker with “fucking nigger” on his lips.

“Our in-flight dinner was either steak or fish.”

Ask your customers if they have any cocaine. Generally, that stops the conversation in its tracks ... or you get cocaine!

I don’t even have enough coffee to try and navigate what this cousin loving redneck is trying to articulate. Just fire his ass, make an example of him so that the next time some mouthy racist gets an idea, they can benchmark him as reference material.

That’s a troubled bridge over water.