That’s going to be one soggy patch of brown grass, I can assure you. There will be a 24/7 line of people waiting, and I’ll be on the side selling bottled water. 

Definitely the worst thing I’ve done, definitely the most inconvenience caused over the longest time - I shaved my door handles. Buckle up.

Over the course of a year, I lovingly turned this $500 truck from a broken down lawn ornament covered in hay and chicken shit, into an utterly reliable work and play machine capable of 1000 mile road trips, drive-in-movie dates, fire department wildland fire support, and of course, sweet jumps.

When I started college, I bought a 1987 Pontiac Sunbird with a five speed (I was poor)... And did not yet know how to drive a five speed well. Went to pass someone by dropping from 5th to 3rd and... Hit 1st around 50 mph. Amazingly, it didn’t grenade right there, but the next time I started it, I learned what rod…

I allowed ‘the friend of a friend’ to so a front end alignment on my ‘83 Escort (as if that car didn’t have enough issues....)

In high school, my ride was a ‘60 Chevy El Camino that my Dad and I built. It had a Rochester Q-Jet carb on it that was giving me trouble, so I bought a Carter AFB to replace it.

I would have a long list. But my favorite memory of something stupid was in an 86 Fiero 2M4. I had never driven a stick before and I was determined to learn how to do so in my “sports” car. After fixing the rear brakes that had been seized (which is how I got a great deal on it at auction), I drove it around the…

1. I have cleaned our old family owned mitsubishi with what turned out to be an aggressive oven cleaner. 

I’ve taken a bird to the forehead. Sparrow, so small but I saw stars. Lid 99.5% of the time now. 

Uh, Mustang owners?

I’ve had a bee hit me in the exposed neck and man did that freakin hurt. Glad I always wear full face and keep the visor down at speed.

I hit a palmetto bug while on my bicycle last year - that hurt at 10mph! I can’t imagine hitting one of the damned things at 75!

I took one to the neck at about 70mph in the middle of nowhere. It hurt. A lot... Then it started swelling up. For a few minutes I really thought I might suffocate on the side of the road from hitting a bug

Most riders that don’t wear helmets are old and used up.  Nobody wants their organs.

Quiet pipes means you have the faster bike on the street. Without being loud, you are totally ignored by the local constabulary. After 3 1/2 decades of loud and quiet bikes I go for the quiet bike and hoon the shit out of it.

My story about that. I had a Fiero in College. I also managed to have two friends once. I was driving them back to campus and had both in the Fiero and the sunroof off. One guy was a tall kid that sat on the center console and I took the Fiero up to around 80 with him laughing and grinning.

I hit a Junebug at 100kph (60mph) square in the middle of my visor and it sounded like a gunshot. The freaky part is I was instantly blinded with a blur until I realized that it was bug guts. The things are flying ping pong balls of goo.

When I lived in upstate NY, I had a Cicada hit my helmet at 55+. Not only did it knock my head back but I could barely see past the bug schmoo left in its place.

“Became lost while using his GPS"? I read that as "tried to cut across illegally after missing his exit"

Hmm, a reasonable take on the internet. I’m not sure I was mentally prepared for this. I mean, what am I going to yell about? What will I do with all these leftover ALL CAPS letters on my keyboard?

I feel so....empty and unfulfilled.