Buy a cheap well drink for that purpose. This douche doesn’t deserve top shelf.

I’m going to DC in September and my friend and I are planning to haunt the bars where the politicians are generally spotted. Lord help me if I see this guy, I might actually have to throw a drink in his face, and that’d be a waste of precious vodka.

“I am taking a leave of indefinite duration to spend more time with my divorce lawyers.”

You can’t out-Trump Trump. He’ll get jealousy and kick you out.

He’s out Trumping Trump. DJT won’t keep him. He’ll be gone by Halloween, citing “family commitments”.

If it were called Inn at the Crossroads, I’d be there instantly tbh.

Please be our president!

I.... dunno. With drugs you only fuck yourself up (except for influence with his fans). With religion the money you donate goes toward fucking OTHER people up.

“...and when there was one set of tire tracks?”

Also this:

I know for a fact Kilmer takes acting 100% seriously, as he has gifted us with this classic

Jeremy Renner staring into ScarJo’s magnificent breasts is certifiable proof that us gay men love a great rack!

tell that to the demons that my cats keep at bay

when was that the 5th of never?

And here we have one of the last of their kind: someone who thinks Leo is still hot in the year of our Lord 2017. Some of them, of course, have been in a coma and have not been witness to the ravages that years of pussy posse-ing have wreaked upon the erstwhile heartthrob.

Similarly, I wish at least one of the Jenner kids had pursued athletics. Imagine an alternate universe where Kylie is a track star.

Godspeed, celebrity child.

Does this dinner also come with a time machine trip to when Leo was still hot, tho.

For a while I’ve been unsuccessful in finding a full listing of all the different ways that eggs can be ordered.

When I visited Tokyo and watched a chef make a fluffy omelette with chopsticks, I realized I knew nothing about eggs.