I think it’s a carrot but I TOTALLY thought it was a hot dog at first too.

Is that...a hot dog?

Say what you will about Guy Fieri, but that man is living his best life. Look at that man’s happiness! He exudes pure, unbridled joy! I don’t get it, but I’m not gonna knock him for it.

I assumed the only way he could get the word out to all of the ladies from his past was to go public with it.

Young? You mean old?

Weird-I didn't think she looked like a newborn baby.

Honestly, I don’t get the ad. Grapefruit? Why? Because it kinda, sorta, maybe looks like a vulva? Because it’s juicy?

I just say I don’t know. Try it. Where are the batteries? I don’t know. Do we have any mustard? I don’t know. Are we out of coffee? I don’t know. In the instant that I’m asked, I honestly don’t know. I have to stop and think about it for a few seconds, and, guess what, if I don’t, then *he* has to stop and think or…

Thanks, Obama!

I used to tell my kid bagels were donuts for the same reason.

My little sister “only” liked pork chops, so mom just told her that all meat was pork chops. I remember once I tried to ruin this, probably because I was six years old and terrible, but mom still made it through and confirmed that yes, the meal was chicken, but it was chicken pork chops. Sometimes pork chops can be…

I used to live with my little niece. When I’d get a bag of chips I didn’t want to share, I’d say “yes” when she’d ask if they were spicy (she doesn’t like anything spicy) even if they weren’t. Whahaha!

We only have the benefit of them being this gullible for a few years, you really need to take advantage of it!

Babyccino?

Ah parenthood, the gentle art of lying through your teeth.

I feel like it’s usually called a “steamer”, if syrup is added it would be a “vanilla steamer” or a “cinnamon steamer”. Honestly, I think babyccino is a much cuter name.

When I got pregnant, mine straight-up stopped getting dirty. I washed it once a week just to keep it fluffy. Now it gets dirty in 3-4 days again, but I liked only washing it weekly so much that that’s what I still do, and either muddle through with some dry shampoo or say fuck it and just put it back. It’s great.

I didn’t take the shrimp flavored ramen. That shit is ramen of last resort.

Jason Aldean only recently figured out that the term “bro-country” is not a compliment. He also thought that if he denied an affair with Brandy Kerr (the blonde in the photos) despite photos of her all over him at various concerts and clubs, then married her before the ink was dry on his divorce papers, people would…