Amy Sedaris is my everything.

This is funny timing because last night I was listening to SJP on Marc Maron’s podcast, and she said that she felt a little bad that her husband, Matthew Broderick, didn’t end up with Amy Sedaris. She felt like they would be a great couple! Amy’s tearing apart marriages left and right and the wives just let her do it.

One of the few times I’d be #teamotherwoman without any hesitation

I, for one, think it was pretty considerate of him to bring his own catch rag to the flick.

A burrito is just a sandwich that someone built a delicious wall around.

Or just get a burrito.

i know!! it was so chill and perfect. it’s basically my favorite show at this point.

it’s just a picture of legs that cuts to an image of a man standing in a burning house and he has a goat head and his eyes are the black of the void and then it cuts back to an image of legs with paint on them and then it’s the goat headed man and he’s closer to the foreground and I can smell sulfur and then it cuts…

The surgeon later removed 2 feet of intestines and 25 feet of handkerchiefs.

Whose hand is that with Khole? Guys, you got to get your hand games up. I’m tired of these ashy-assed hands. Unless you’re a construction worker, you shit should not look like that. Come on.

Exactly why I kindly sent that gift back a couple years ago. Thankfully, my state’s return policy is strict but not THAT strict.

For example, a pizza. I would rather have a pizza than a child.

I had trouble at first, too, but then I figured it out. Those are God’s hands, putting the baby in her womb on Russell’s behalf.

I didn’t remember a Congress Street in Portland, OR...

Nope, just bored.

hahaha this definitely feels like an oregon story.

The tell here is that this Portland police department didn’t shoot the tree for being ashy.

Bruh. MAINE-iacs.

I think it’s cruel and disgusting that people still wear fir.

Asher A. Woodworth blocked traffic at the Portland intersection ... He was also dressed up as a tree.