If there’s one thing I learned circa 1999, it’s that there will always be an unlimited inventory of high CPM ads ready to go!

Legally speaking, the two would-be burglars could sue the family for gazillions of dollars after all the pain and suffering they went through. Maybe that was their plan all along?

The past is a gaping hole. You try to run from it, but the more you run, the deeper, more terrible it grows behind you, its edges yawning at your heels. Your only chance is to turn around and face it. But it’s like looking down into the grave of your love. Or kissing the mouth of a gun, a bullet trembling in its dark…

A refrain often heard at regattas and amongst collegiate rowers is how powerful and all-consuming the sport can be.

Saw XI: You Saw This Coming

The fact that this is a slideshow and the Next/Prev buttons often don’t work on the first (or even second) click is far more infuriating than anything that could be on the list.

Bad Santa is my favorite Christmas(?) movie, so this sounds potentially up my alley.

Seems like she did the typical thing of having a poor male role model in her father, and then dating a string of crappy men when she got older. You really don’t need to grow up in Hollywood to experience that.

Well I didn’t think he was a clone before, but now?

Past Lives was easily my favorite movie of the year. I think everyone has those “what if…” moments when thinking about certain people they once knew.

Wow, a sequel that ignores the original ending? Let me get my smelling salts so I don’t faint!

It’s funny and a bit sad that you think anyone is working on this show anymore, let alone watching it. They replaced both the audience and Lorne Michaels with ChatGPT long ago.

To quote Nic Cage in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, “You’re Nic, FUUUUCCCKIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNG! AH! WHEW! Cage!”

If you’re going to quote another news source, at least use their actual name. “ABC7" refers to any number of ABC affiliates throughout the country, not just LA’s KABC.

The second anyone uses “Israel” and “antisemitism” in the same sentence, I tune out.

This reads like a list of reasons not to date Taylor Swift, which means I’m at least doing one thing right in my life.

Which led to one of South Park’s funniest moments:

Okay, but when are we getting Nicolas Cage as... Fu Manchu?

The fact that Burton said “working with... puppets” gives me hope that they’ve tried to keep the original aesthetic.

Saying “fuck you” to the people paying the bills is the kind of thing you expect from a 15 year old, not a 52 year old.