The "poachee" clearly holds the most blame in this situation, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think the "poacher" was a jerk for trying in the first place.

True story. How you get 'em is how you'll lose 'em.

Absolutely agree. If people weren't pressured to value monogamous relationships over non-monogamous relationships or being single and having casual, nonexclusive things, there would be less cheating. But there would still be some garbage people who like to cheat because they like the power trip of having a partner…

she wrote a will you go out with me yes or no note in college? for real?

you know what i think?? once a cheater, always a cheater. Its a specific state of mind. It can be either physical or emotional cheating.

Two of my exes initiated a relationship with me just before they broke up with the guy they were seeing, unbeknownst to me. I only found out about it after we had been dating for some time. Both of those exes ended our relationship by cheating on me. Some people just operate this way it seems and have no qualms about…

Poaching also proves that the "homewrecker" is so amazingly hot that she can get anyone she wants!

Even if you do 'steal' someone's partner, remember this, if they'll cheat WITH you, they'll cheat ON you.

You're welcome. My thought on legalization is that poly marriage might be possible if we had something like the larger tribes do-an impartial, lawful other party who had "stewardship" of the property and children, and could divide out the inheritance or divorce settlements based on the unique circumstances. In the…

That is far from true. There is a huge difference between people who are coerced into polygamous marriges for religious or cultural reasons, and people who willingly engage in healthy and respectful polyamorous relationships. It is not that unusual for progressive people to enter into non-traditional unions, sometimes…

Actually you're wrong on the first part. PolyGAMY is the practice of having multiple spouses. Polyandry and polygyny are kinds of polygamy. Polygyny is what is discussed here.

Actually I know many happy poly people (myself included) that don't follow the one man, many women model. Outside of religious arrangements (which to be fair I have no personal experience with) it's really not that common. There are closed groups that practice polyfidelity, but they may be MFMF, FFM, MMF, MMM, FFF.…

Oh totally agree re: the primary problem being shitty men who abuse, devalue, and disrespect women. The director was careful to let me know that he didn't intend the film to be some sweeping anti-polygamy statement — it was meant to expose the gender violence in Bali that he noted was pretty rampant in polygamous…

You could say the same thing of heterosexual marriage for most of history—the woman was usually chattel for the man, and not until recently in most cases could women move to dissolve the union.

I think if we were really, really careful about the laws it would be better for women. Right now in the US what happens is that the second wife can't legally marry, so she's basically stuck in legal limbo with no rights and her husband makes her declare herself as a single parent so she can get state benefits.…

Well, to be fair, that's also the history of monogamous marriage. Women being forced into marriages to protect men's interests, being denied legal protection against violence and sexual assault from their husbands, and losing legal control over their property and children were all perfectly acceptable parts of…

Laura, you're not discussing problems caused by polygamy. You're discussing problems caused by shitty men who devalue and abuse women, and shitty laws and social customs that allow them to do so with impunity.

My legal anthropology studies had a very heavy polygamy bent, and it seemed like the most successful poly-positive cultures were those that were much smaller and more socially collective. Tribes where things like children and property didn't belong to parents but to the collective, and the number of individuals didn't…

There's a lot left out of that though, perhaps most predominantly the idea of social power. The same things can be said of monogamy, including now (people still marry in the West in order to escape bad circumstances which oftentimes can leave them dependent on their partner, and there is also still religious pressure…

Marriage isn't the problem. Divorce with its legal and cultural attendant taboos is the problem. Without a simple, easy, economical way to divorce, people get trapped in marriages. And when you throw in cultural taboos, well, it can get even worse.