Former Old Navy worker here. White girls LOVE stealing. ALL of the things.

You wrote Sports Night fan fic!?!?! That’s amazing. Sports Night is why I powered through The Good Wife over this last month.

The Punisher would be fucking amazing.

There’s no reason to set this in the 80’s. I completely thought they were going to be modern day ghostbusters. They at least could have set it in the 90’s. I of course will still go see it because the cast is fucking amazing. I didn’t think this was a reboot, I thought this was Ghostbusters 3.

NOOSA! Try Noosa. Just trust me.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Just no.

A short reading from 50 shades of Grey. The worst writing in the book is actually the non-sex stuff.

DON’T MAKE FUN OF HAIRBRUSH SINGING. IT IS THE BEST OF ALL SINGING!

There’s an anti Tracy movement?

Fetish can mean a sexual interest, but it can also mean an interest. I have a beard fetish. That does not mean that I am sexually attracted to beards (yet) but I am more attracted to men who have beards. I feel like it’s more a particular interest. Some boys like em skinny, some chubby, some in between, there’s…

Money. You make a lot of money working at a tilted kilt. Everyone worked a job they hated longer than they wanted to because of money.

This! Dude, just listen to my entire sentence and I’ll probably end up answering your dumb fucking question with which you feel the need to interrupt.

Let me tell you, I had people who would write “CID” on the back of their card and then when I would ask to see their ID get really pissed at me. I barely even check IDs for payment. It’s only when someone is buying booze that I more than glance at the card.

Oh my god I LOVE a good Dad joke. Great dad joke Alison. Great dad joke. Keep it up. In honor of you, today I’m going to call everyone I see “Sport”. I have a job interview, but whatever. If they can’t handle me then I guess they can’t handle me.

Um, it’s spelled pregenat. What is this, amateur hour?

you are the best. Don't let anybody ever tell you otherwise.

Wait, what? That's... That's not how police work. They don't bill you. This company sounds like total garbage. Why do they have to pay for the police?

Is your uncle a fellow spoon enthusiast?

So ALLLLLL you do all day is work a job that pays your rent, and you speak French? LAME! Why aren't you an astrophysicist? Neil Degrasse Tyson is one. It's not that hard.

But Ryan can also be a girls name.