I like to imagine that when Goodell first got his contract that he looked down and it was just a handwritten note that said “Make us lots of monaaaaay and refuse to give a shit about domestic violence until you are embarrassingly forced to ;-)”

Plus a check for $30 million.

Weird. I mean it’s not like the NFL is a massive international organization that took in $15 billion in 2014 and routinely dupes local city governments into using public funds to build stadiums or something.

Right but Olynyk forgot to punch Love square in the dick. Rookie move.

The Shoulder No Longer Rises

Jesus dude.

I hope Dennis Dodd is there to help Jim Nance check press badges.

I tackled a loafer at work today....

Ever since it was a surprisingly original, stark take on loneliness and death?

The toys you buy your disaffected teenage child when they outgrow Parker Bros.

I like that in the GIF up top, you can't tell if the two officials are attempting to break up the fights or desperately trying to escape the ice before they are knocked unconscious and cannibalized for parts.

-Remember that time I wrote a poorly-worded and confusing email to you that was just a hair under the length of the Infinite Jest?

-I do, ole chap! I had such a silly haircut back then. Welp, let's bury the hatchet and get back to completely ruining the entire fucking world.

Furthermore, REGARDLESS of the loss of my own dreams, I believe the NCAA plays an important role in arbitrarily meting out arcane rules that maintain a system whereby a bunch of old men get phenomenally rich by convincing hopeful 18-year olds that it would be morally wrong to be paid for their work BUT ONLY on the…

I'm super calm, big guy.

As a current Chicago resident - a member a wonderful city currently being haunted by both the witch who hexed Derrick Rose's paper knee and a brutal cold spell - I can say that I got out of bed and greeted the day with the same flinty stoicism and mega-sized joint that I do every day.

Yeah, Goodell doesn't have any tattoos, right?

Sorry that this one didn't work out for you.

Jay would be a lot more popular if he quit The NFL and started a YouTube channel where he just throws full bottles of milk 50 yards directly into the back of a child's head.

I assume CNN's last transmission will actually be a shot of Wolf Blitzer - cold and tired from the months of running from the machines - eating Don Lemon's head.