Sorry that this one didn't work out for you.

Jay would be a lot more popular if he quit The NFL and started a YouTube channel where he just throws full bottles of milk 50 yards directly into the back of a child's head.

I assume CNN's last transmission will actually be a shot of Wolf Blitzer - cold and tired from the months of running from the machines - eating Don Lemon's head.

When they're not outing a trans person for cheap shock, I find myself liking a lot of Grantland's sports stuff.

I love it when you guys shit on (terribly!) popular sports writers for their terrible (and popular!) writing. I really do. But who are some writers from places outside of Deadspin that you guys actually like?

Pretty measured response, bro. I like it.

I know Kobe was supposedly on the sidelines in Chicago when the original non-throwdown happened, but I'm still 100% sure he is user @MyTweetsRealAF. If there's any force that could split the space-time continuum to both simultaneously be in the Windy City and travel to Temecula to whoop ass on some guy who is actually…

Aww man, and he's all nice and patient as his kid takes 142,000 years to cut open the box too.

This should be getting more love.

This is a good joke ruined by the fact that that shit-heap of a movie actually made quite a lot of money.

Taj Gibson dumped in 21 on 10-12 shooting while coming off the bench in the opener .......against the Knicks (womp womp). Still, he's also a much better defender than Faried. I'd slot him in right ahead of Milsap.

I'm a big fan of Left Hand Brewing, and would put them up there as one of the best in country.

And while they're probably not in conversation for the best, Chicago's Revolution Brewing has a stellar lineup. The Eugene Porter? Quality.

Thank you. Pumpkin beers almost universally taste terrible. Just have an Oktoberfest brew like a god damn sane person and be done with it.

This is exactly why I almost black out from rolling my eyes too hard whenever people fawn over players like Wes Welker for being warriors who refuse to cede playing time in the game they love to head injuries (like they were some kind of pussy or something!)

Yeah, awesome, you're tough — and I like your passion — but…

I see Jameis Winston is getting away with robbery now too.

This is exactly how I deal with spiders I am trying to get off of the ceiling above my bed. I gingerly approach them several times, assess the situation, and then flee. Finally I just violently chuck a shoe from the doorway.

(Me)

Kind of surprised Virginia McCaskey didn't do this midway through the Bears-Packers game yesterday.

The best fall beer is also the best winter beer: Left Hand's Milk Stout Nitro.