What happens when he faces a switch hitter?

Oh Adrian. If only you had become a baseball player instead of a football player, then you could make guaranteed money for hitting things with wooden sticks.

Amazing race. The last few years have all been great.

At Wrigley, catching that bat would have somehow cost the Cubs a playoff appearance.

And then we would have thrown it back onto the field.

And then take a piss in the cup?

Obligatory

*Insert awful pun*

Easy there. Indiana has many nice places to live. Hammond is not one of them. Think of it as a booger hanging out of Chicago's nose.

The decision to vacate the wins was nearly two and a half years old, so it comes as no surprise that Penn State completely fucked it.

Like, why the fuck would she leave her couch there?

Basically the sports world's version of losing Robin Williams today. Just the way so many people have been broken up or moved to tears all day long with these tributes is incredible.

Big thanks to Michael Irving for trying to complete each phrase as they're being said like he's solving goddamn Wheel of Fortune.