Dateline tells me to wipe down the hotel remote with bleach before using it because of all the fecal matter, but Lena Dunham tells me to motorboat that ass. Mixed messages, yo.

Time to take a bite out of the ol' leather bagel!

I really don't see the appeal in ass-eating. Am I missing out on anything here?

The Demille award is for humanitarian contributions (by actors/entertainment people... whatever they decide that means), not actually for acting. So the joke is that he's getting a humanitarian award instead of his Human Rights Attorney wife.

You could have just wrote "I do not have a sense of humor"

"Clooney getting an award for acting from an acting organization doesn't mean anything in relation to his wife's work."

Ya think? Thanks captain obvious.

Holy shit, that George Clooney joke was straight up brilliant.

Awe, c'mon that's just not fair. Texas is badass, you'd be giving those assholes an awesome state with some of the best state parks and glorious wildlife. Can't we just shove them onto a giant space ship or something and put them into an area of space that no one actually cares about?

THANK YOU.

She kinda looks like a bald eagle?

As someone who grew up just outside of Frederick, I can vouch for all of this. Between "drive your tractor to school day," and the confederate flag t-shirts that half my high school insisted on wearing most days, I was just so grateful to graduate and get the fuck out of dodge.

One of these days I'm going to join all you cool kids on Twitter, I swear!

BIEBERGHAZI.

DUDE ME. I CARE SO FUCKING MUCH. STOP RAINING ON MY FUCKING CAT EAR WEARING CUPCAKE CIRCLE SKIRT WEARING PARADE

You're only making it worse by commenting more you know?

Ah, I see the problem: Malia did not offer it to them as an endorsement. The picture surfaced and Pro Era is (reasonably) excited about it.

I love writing about the trivial so it's a win-win.

Aren't you tired of the contrarian shtick? It doesn't work with every story.

there's basically no judgement, the fact that it is happening is transcendent and more important than political parties or any other type of opinion.