I told this story before but it makes me giggle so I'll tell it again.

I wish I had a really good one. I did spend an afternoon chainsmoking and talking about my feelings with Mark Shrayber. That's a Jezestar encounter. I also met Kurt Cobain but I barely remember it because so drunk. SO DRUNK. I also met Primus while I was dressed like Alice, the maid on the Brady Bunch as if she was…

I had a strange encounter with Tom Waits. Is there any other kind?

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I just bought a Dr. Pepper Lip Smacker online for my wife. If she finds out about this she'll never take it out of the package!

I hope no one reports on it if they do know. I hope she's safe.

This made me actually laugh out loud at work. Loudly. People are all like "why are you laughing" and I'm like NOTHING. Jk I have an invisible job everything is made up.

I feel like I've time traveled to 1984, or maybe the Demolition Man era.

Business idea #2: a place where people can go to snuggle with cats while not doing yoga.

No, because Pap smears are not necessarily the best screening choice anymore, and I hate them, and I only need to get them every three years now.

Look, I would rather have Hillary than some fuckface like Ted Cruz or Jeb Bush, or whatever old, white guy sounds the stupidest. But is the way we really want to work? As a pre-chosen, faux democracy? I suppose so. Good luck to the Kingdom, and as much as I cannot believe I am saying this, Barack, I will miss you.…

Sarsaparilla!

That's fantastic. My mother on the other hand has dressed like an old lady since she was in her early 40's. Same with the old lady hair. Drives me nuts. Everyone always thinks she's younger because of her nice skin (no wrinkles, years of bad acne/oily skin has left her with no wrinkles) but yet she dresses like an old…

Off topic slightly: the phrase "commence sexual intercourse" is probably the least sexy thing I've ever heard. Which means I'm going to use it and see how turned off she gets.

I've googled every name and reference in this post, but I still don't have a clue what is happening.

Big mistake, big, HUGE.

I never threatened in any way, but I was the mom that wanted her to try on 2 dresses I liked. She liked them fine and looked cute in them, but didn't light up like she did with THE dress.

... oookay. no commission for that lady. sheesh!

Why do some salespeople hate making money? You can take the dress and throw it into a volcano for all I care, as long as I get the commission!

"do you really think you can pull that off?"

Really hope I don't run into her. Because I'm wearing THE SAME OUTFIT!