I don’t even know who I can expose my penis to anymore.

It accurately describes how you feel, though. The days after giving birth is a haze, but the one thing I remember with clarity is how AWESOME it felt to be able to get out of bed like a normal person and not roll out bed like a whale carcass being pushed out to sea

Here is the poem in its entirety. Thousands have failed to decipher it, but perhaps you will be one to finally figure it out:

Wenjing Sui just seems like she’s cooler than I will ever be. That haircut is everything, and I would wear her short program dress IRL. I hope they win!

I think a lot has changed but it’s hard for parents to talk—especially about masturbation. They just cant get over masturbation or seem to be able to talk to their kids about it.

No it isn’t. They bump when they have someone with a better season. They thought she’d medal because she scored in the top three a bunch that year. They bumped for Michelle Kwan too and they bumped the men this year too (though I didn’t watch the US one this year so I’m fuzzy on who - Brown or Miner I think).

Can we all just admit that Prince performed the best and quintessential halftime show and maybe just replay that every year?

except that if she wanted to apologize she should have contacted Dylan directly, not this open letter business. [ok I just hate open letters]

This felt more honest than all of the Michael Che, John Oliver, Stewart, et al statements combined.

That was a great statement actually. She doesn’t have to disown someone she cares about but she DID own the fact that he did something awful and she needs to do some soul searching on how this nets out for her and where her place was in all of it. The avalanche is still in motion....

About the “Natalie’s Dad” story: That second incident with both the parents and their angry expressions, not being able to move, the feeling of dread... that was definitely sleep paralysis.

What prompted Yi’s tweet in the first place? Could she not have, I don’t know, directly contacted David Cross the moment this trauma emerged from her subconscious? Everything always has to be so out there. A man said a shitty thing to a person once upon a time and absolutely owes her a personal apology. Personal:…

“Frances McDormand is here. Frances, can I just say, I love you. You are the only person in this room that I would save in a fire.” -Amy Poehler, speaking for me. 

I recently ranted about this to someone. Cate Blanchett is EVERYTHING Bond should be: intelligent, elegant, sense of humor, badass, unflappable, hot as all hell and motherfucking cool.

I came down to the comments to drag James Bond as a concept - it’s a wholly stupid franchise that’s only carried by hunks in lead roles and r-i-d-c-u-l-o-u-s production expenditures - but then I saw your comment about Goddess Cate, who can do no wrong and now I’m all like YASSSS CATE BLANCHETT AS THE NEXT BOND!!!! I…

She could star as a young M in a series of MI-6 prequels. Your welcome, Hollywood.

The second I lay eyes on it I thought, “Big mistake. Big. Huge”.

Predictions:

I swear I’m not in idiot. I regularly watch Jeopardy and occasionally get the answers correct too. I try to stay up on current political events as well.

Since this is the comment section of an article on the Internet, I assume I’m in the right place if I’m an average-at-best-looking dude and I’d like to remark on her weight and/or appearance?