Actually, that really would make an awesome novel idea.... Wouldn’t it be a shame if someone... stoooooole it from youuuuuuuu!!!

Your tabs make a story for people with no time on their hands when read left to right. It looks like you met a gay guy named Ryan, emailed him, fucked him, got pregnant, met his wife and was surprised, so you slept on it and woke up to kill him in grief and hysteria, then when the cops came to get you, you went down…

I can’t decide what I love (admire?) more about this image: the fact that you have 79 unsent drafts—and therefore are an even worse procrastinator than I am—or that you have an entire folder in your Gmail dedicated to “Grim Sexts”.

I believe the proper name for a group of teenage girls is a gossip.

This mockery of New Yorkers’ super-heated parochialism is fair enough (I say that with sincerity; I lived in New York for a number of years, during which I was at my least tolerable), but let’s not lose sight of the essential genius of the question why does this corned beef not taste like the corned beef I had in New…

They have all these incompetent kids working at these places. They should lower the minimum wage to 2 dollars an hour

I will admit to having done this before... I went out with some friends and the waitress was struggling to open the bottle of wine. Since she had previously mentioned that it was her second day working on her own, I felt okay with asking her if she would like help opening the wine. I showed her how to do it and walked…

all of these people are satanists

He deserves to be punched in the face with a Kia.

A whiteness of teenage girls ordering frappuccinos.

I don’t ever want to work at DQ now :/

It takes a special kind of idiot to elevate an artificial caramel based beverage into an aggravated assault case.

I was in a Starbucks yesterday and a gaggle of teenage girls, (I feel like gaggle isn’t right for teenage girls. A flock? A murder? A murder.) a murder of teenage girls came in behind me. As I finished my order, the barista (who was a treasure of a human being and recommended a kick-ass fruit sauce for baked brie)…

All these people need punched.

I actually e-mailed her back to thank her for submitting a long, entertaining post that barely needed any editing. I think I made one edit to that thing.

Poor, poor hosts. Man, though: a good host is not a thing to be taken lightly. They’re a rare and precious resource.

I want to kill the family that harassed the host. Hosts are meant to be the punching bags of the servers, not the customers.

Sweet, sweet Casey. You had my attention with the LD language, my heart at your similar dislike for grody frozen lattes, and my sympathy when that hamfisted bitch threw said drink at you. Jesus.

For some reason I kept reading “Ferrari Guy” as “Guy Fieri.”