“Or jizz”- my college gf

God damn it. Stick to sports and stop talking about the MLS!

“Well at least I’ll be able to read and comment on Drew’s stuff at GEN”

I guess they were wildly underperforming before the autoplaying ads. And then G/O Media started doing the autoplay to pump up impressions, everybody hated it, and every ad exec was saying “Yeah, but those are pretty meaningless impressions. Why would anybody pay for that?”

Most people are paying to cover the cost of their meal. I didn’t give a fuck about when any of these couples moved in together and I’m not even remotely concerned about getting them started on their journey as a family. I simply recognize that they spent some money on this event and want to limit my own damage.

Bullshit. If your venue is going to be a dick about the cost of an open bar, find another venue. Problem solved. Next question.

Similar method. I fill out the check in the bathroom after the cake. If there’s an open bar I try to think about what it cost the couple per head, and add a little bit extra.
If it’s a cash bar they get $50 a head. If it’s a religious cash bar, I’m giving them a hug and a prayer. 

That is the worst. I don’t know them, but I hate these people. 

You’re right. Open bar obviously means everybody is duty bound to get as drunk as possible because it’s free and we’re all raging alcoholics. That’s why when I go to somebody’s house party and they have a spread, the very first thing I do is slam a bottle of red and try to cosplay as Joey Chestnut on the snacks. It…

There is no federal law that you have to have a wedding. Don’t have a wedding. Just invite a few people to a restaurant or something.

My best friend growing up had a cash bar. At a fucking Elk’s Lodge. He’s divorced now, and frankly he had it coming.

That’s literally fine. It’s the people who say “This isn’t about alcohol, it’s about MY DAY,” that get to me. Because that’s only true to the people getting married, their parents, and select members of their family. For the rest of us, it’s a chance to get dressed up and socialize with people we either like, or just…

Ain’t no party like a Methodist party, because the Methodists do not party.

Honestly, I’m amazed the pic doesn’t have their laptop monitors facing the camera, giving away sensitive information.

You’re never going to remember the floral arrangements, hors d-oeuvres, or music. But if they make you pay for drinks at their wedding, you’re going to carry that with you until the day you die.

(while I’m making rules, if you’re requiring people to wear heels you want to continue to participate in society without being branded as a pariah, you are not allowed to have a cash bar)

This is good and now I hope Deadspin never covers sports again.
And if Jimbo gives you any trouble about Trump, explain that you’re dunking on him, and dunking is sports. 

That would also be good

Simple. Now Clark has dad strength, which is real. 

You tried.