Yeah, Andrew Weissman — the SAME FUCKING GUY who flipped Sammy the Bull.

They are absolutely going for RICO. Don’t forget: Mueller brought in attorneys who flipped mobsters and cracked organized crime syndicates. If I recall correctly, one of those flipped mobsters was Sammy “the Bull” Gravano, and his testimony brought down John Gotti. You don’t accidentally turn the underboss of the…

This. It may actually prevent me from watching. My hope is that, as a stoner sitcom, the laugh track is placed at completely random and borderline inappropriate spots. Because that would work for me more than a traditional laugh track here.

Nah, the word already exists and has existed since something like the 17th century. Kakistocracy. Government by the worst people.

There’s a probably-going-to-be-upscale hotel going up across the street from my office. I fully expect that we’re going to be dealing with this once it opens in a few months. I’m thinking we will be going the insult route: make up some big Olympics-style score cards in posterboard and give very low scores.

This is my Mr. Handsome! His name is Oscar. He is a handsome and dapper gentleman.

I literally laughed and slapped my knee when I saw the news pop up! I mean, yeah, we’re all still utterly and royally fucked, so it’s a gallows humor sort of thing, but gallows humor is better than nothing at this point.

Exactly. Except this was the skunky kind of smell that indicates bad weed. I’m really spoiled by living in a a state where recreational weed is legal, and you get used to identifying quality and results by smell. This was the shitty kind of skunk weed smell that leads to nothing but headaches and regrets, which is why…

The Coola stuff? I didn’t like it, but then again, I despise pretty much every sunscreen product intended for the face. I just hate the way it makes my skin feel. I think I’m going to give powder a shot next. Same with foundation. I’m 45, and in my entire life, the only all-over face products I’ve been able to use…

The MAC store’s line was bonkers. Like probably three hundred people! I wasn’t actually going there, but I saw the line because it was across the mall from Sephora, where I picked up some face wipes and a Givenchy point perk lipstick. And then I realized I forgot to have them scan my Play Pass, so I ended up going to…

Huh. As someone who lives in a city where one of the biggest tourist attractions is a doughnut shop, I was expecting this to go in a very different direction.

Something that is throwing me a bit: The samples weren’t in the song itself, at least not on the version of Lemonade I have. They’re only on the video. I’m not sure about the radio single, though, because I rarely listen to the radio. As far as the $20 million goes, they’re probably also considering money from HBO for…

Probably because Big Freedia is in it, too, and in close proximity time-wise. The part about not coming to play with you hos, right after Messy Mya’s bit? That’s Big Freedia.

This thing looks utterly unwatchable. And I say this as someone who actually watched Pixels and thought, “Huh, that actually wasn’t as horrible as I was expecting.” OTOH, I was high as hell. This thing doesn’t look watchable even while stoned.

The world is a shitfire. I offer this as an antidote:

It doesn’t die. It just goes into hibernation. It sheds its skin, and the skin becomes a clown costume, waiting for an idiot real estate agent to mistake it for a costume and wear it to their kid’s birthday party, and then it takes over the real estate agent’s body so it can eat children.

Nah, a giant Raggedy Ann doll. Hollywood lied to you.

I have to address those Instagram comments/hashtags. *Of course* it’s not haunted. Everyone knows clowns are demons. Totally different from ghosts. Duh.

Aaahhh, this Trader Joe’s product is relevant to my interests! Thank you!

“Also, they show up at the break of dawn and want to come into your house!”