“We’re a very powerful company. Country.” Huh. Why do I keep thinking about cigars and slips?

I take Benadryl at night when my allergies are being a particular nightmare because I’ve actually woken myself up scratching my arms bloody from scratching in my sleep, so it’s not every night. Just when my skin gets particularly itchy. Unfortunately, my allergies can flare up pretty much year-round because a bunch of…

Eh, that $9-from-Amazon 600-tablet bottle is Kirkland brand, so it’s literally the same exact thing you would get at Costco for the same price without having to deal with an actual Costco. Amazon wins.

And that NyQuil sleep-aid-ingredient-only stuff. It’s just Benadryl at an even-more-jacked-up-than-name-brand-Benadryl price. Generic Benadryl is four bucks for a hundred tablets at Target, if I recall correctly. Ooh, I just discovered it’s nine bucks for six hundred tablets from Amazon, and it’s a Prime item. I’ll…

Adult. Because at least I can drink without getting in trouble and afford weed (and I live in the largest city of a legal weed state, so I can easily find a place to buy it at any time). I grew up during the Reagan era in a town that had precisely zero respect for the value of education, so I feel like I got the…

You just reminded me that the beer shop across the street from my apartment has some sort of magical elixir that is like an Arnold Palmer, but with HARD CIDER instead of lemonade. In a two-liter bottle. I just have to hope that they’re not sold out before I get home!

You mean my friends are drunkards who make up rules because they can’t deal with almost six solid weeks without alcohol? *clutches pearls*

And potatoes. Lots of potatoes. Or colcannon: potatoes *and* cabbage in one convenient dish!

I’m not Catholic, but my understanding is that there’s usually a special dispensation for St. Patrick’s Day, which is one of the reasons it’s become an absolute overindulgent boozefest.

This guy acts like a dog. He follows me from room to room and even from one part of the room to the other. I’m fairly certain he’s my black lab we had when I was in high school, reincarnated in a form I can have in my yard-free apartment-living situation:

YES. I was going to post this exact same thing. Or a three-part question where the parts *are* related, but the premise of the question is fundamentally flawed. I go to comic cons, and it seems like there’s a guy (and it’s always a guy) in every Stan Lee panel trying to flex his knowledge muscles to out-comic geek all…

I do not find it coincidental that MAGA is what a crow calls out right before it takes a massive shit on your head.

Reading this article and focusing my mind on trolls finally made me realize why this statement felt really, really familiar:

I always forget Jeepers Creepers even exists, which is why it’s not on my list.

I laughed at his name showing up here, but that’s because my immediate thoughts were (in this order) the hacker from that one Die Hard sequel, Drew Barrymore’s ex-boyfriend, and those computer commercials I totally get mixed up with those other computer commercials.

Given my family’s history, they sound like a cracked molar waiting to happen to me.

Dude, YouTube clips of this show are too much of it for me. This is what fucking *gifs* are for.

I’m really interested in seeing what the show’s ratings were like. In fact, I’m almost more curious about that than what was actually revealed. One of the big arguments (if not that main one) against releasing the returns now has been that no one is interested in seeing them. If there was in fact a ratings bump, that…

My guess is that the psycho 50 Shades fandom went batshit on him for dropping out of THEIR MOVIE! They were rabid about wanting Matt Bomer in it for a while, too.

This might dox me, but my sister-in-law found out my nephew was sneaking out of bed during his naps to sit quietly in the dining room while my brother watched adult (that is, R-rated and/or thematically not appropriate for three-year-olds) movies in the living room when she told the kid to do something, and he replied…