Never forget the Dan In Real Life sequel scripts!

Sessions should be forced to drink shot after shot after shot, while Snoop or Chong smokes joint after joint after joint.
Last person alive gets to schedule marijuana.

Of course not, silly. Evangelicals have already identified Obama as Satan/the Antichrist.
Bannon's just telling a joke; lighten up, liberals.

Trump likes the policies of that President Snow fella.

Because I hate myself I'll sometimes read r/T_D comments. Was wondering what mental gymnastics they would come up with.
Basically,
"Who cares about weed if we can get illegals out" and
"Trump respects states rights, so will Sessions" and
"Here come the 'Session's a racist' comments in 3, 2, 1…" and
"I'll gladly…

I actually really enjoy it, but it could stand to be trimmed by about 30 minutes.

I'd like to take her out to a nice fish dinner…and then never call her again!

Yeah, The Onion makes me laugh til I cry.
Shit like this just makes me want to cry.

Sure, but what about this asshat Paul Horner?

Long-time smoker currently broke as a joke right now; my weed dealer straight up gave me some Reggie weed for free to get me through the rough times. (Everyone buys top-grade now.)
When I smoke the good with him it puts me on my ass every time.

Ur uh moran

Resurrect the long-dead General Sherman and use his scorched-earth policies against the xenophobic GOP?

MAGA, you cucks.
(I feel dirty just typing that.)

You mean the Realtree House?

Spike Lee angrily tweets Billy Ocean's address

Growing up, this was the only magazine my family subscribed to. I still have a tendency to judge people by whether they are "hot or not."

Of course he knows hot feminists. But they live in Canada, you probably haven't heard of them.

I'll watch just about anything he's in, but he'll never top playing Frank, Laura Linney's terminally-obtuse boyfriend, from Frasier.

I'm looking to gain employment as an indentured serif under the Trump administration.

Imagine Melania volunteering with children like Michelle Obama always does, only all the kids are huddled in a corner, giggling at the naked First Lady pics on their smart phones.