i’ve eaten entire boxes of cookies while on ambien. it’s sad and scary to wake up to a bed full of crumbs, chocolate chips smeared on your chest, with a massive stomachache...

So he’s basically me in dog form.

Sending you hugs and I hope that guy rots.

Well, this was 6 years ago, when I found myself hired by a wealthy couple to be a part-time assistant for them over the summer at their home on Martha’s Vineyard. It seemed like a dream job for the summer - I was temping at the time, the hourly rate they offered me was twice what I had been making, we agreed on about…

My snake capture was executed with a broom, a small trash can, and a hand towel in the Master Bathroom of my boss’s house on Martha’s Vineyard. I let the snake go far from the house, and whispered to it as it slithered off to freedom, “You lucky bastard”...as I was still trapped working in the house for the rest of…

Every time I hear about a “gender reveal” party, I’m like, NOPE - you mean “sex reveal” which is stupid enough as it is but stop conflating biological sex and the fucking construct of gender. I’ve since stopped receiving invites to such nonsense, for which I am eternally glad. But yeah, I’d go to that last one in a…

When I was young, we were really poor and my dad would buy 1 bunch of bananas every day and that’s what he would eat to make it through his 14 hour work days in the warehouse. He did this for a couple of years. I didn’t know this until I was in my teens (when things were thankfully a lot better), but every time I…

tied with the OpenButts(TM) collection...

I’m very glad for this article because I was never sure which I hated more, Kay or Jared (the awfulness of the commercials makes me want to set things on fire), but now that I know they’re the same thing, I feel much less conflicted and can happily hate them both equally.

my coworker is on one right now. let me tell you, it’s a treat working with her. people prone to hanger have NO BUSINESS doing a juice cleanse. I mean, it’s stupid no matter what, but those people are just being assholes to the rest of us who have to deal with them b/c they “wanna lose three pounds.”

aaaaaaaaaand, nightmare. Thanks.

Democratic Primary in NY is tomorrow.

You could use the product advertised in the clip above to paint a bleached, reflective arrow to it!!!

It’s also a thing in places like India, Pakistan, Afghanistan. Girls with dark, thick hair are waxed within an inch of their lives right before their weddings...maybe that’s not true across the board, but it was DEFINITELY the case with several of my cousins. One cousin had such a bad reaction to her arms being waxed…

pretty sure it’s just a circle...

This is really sad. This man is clearly not well, and while he may have broken the law, it was not out of malice or entitlement or conscious choice. I hope we don’t put a 72 year old man suffering from anxiety and possibly insomnia in prison for disrupting a flight. I’m going to go huddle in a corner now.

My roommate’s mother said this to her last weekend. Granted, my mom would disown me if she had definitive proof that I was having sex (I’m 30, btw), but she’s a special brand of deluded...

sexual assault against Sumner, not the woman.

i want to eat all of the things too.

It depends on how tall you are and how active you are. I’m a shorty mcshortypants, so on days when I’m on my butt all day, I’m supposed to be eating around 1300-1400 calories just to maintain my weight and not become rounder than I am tall. On days that I work out, I can eat 1500-1700 calories depending on the…