When is Mars going to be available to move to and how long will I have before it gets as fucked up as this world is?

Sounds about right.

What words can we call them? I drew a blank when I spent some time thinking about this. I’m grateful to Jezebel for being so creative in this department.

Heh. I saw W. Kamau Bell last night and he was talking about that. He was like “uh... he’s wearing shoes. He’s got that going for him.”

Well there goes my libido.

The only reason I know who he is is because I very oddly remember him from when he was a celebrity guest on “are you smarter than a fifth grader?” Maybe 7 years ago. I do not know why this sticks out in my mind so much. I also remember that he went for the final question even though he really didn’t know it and was…

He looks more mature. He’s SEEN some things, man.

“Jeez, you guys are so sensitive. PC culture is running amok.”

Ah, yes, the old “I regret if anyone found offense.” That’s among my favorite non-apologies.

Yeah I never wear heels. I can barely bring myself to wear non-sneakers most days. Only one of approximately 8 million reasons why I could never become President (others include my lack of brain/mouth filter, overweight-ness, general lack of interest in my appearance, the fact that I think gas should be more…

He would also like to emphasize that both his intellect and penis are also tremendous (by his definition of the word).

The amount of white privilege evident in this whole thing is just astounding too. This guy could pull this BS in safety. Can you imagine what would happen if a black person went to some white power rally in a taunting costume? *shudder*

From your lips...

I was them but not every day. The only parts I wash daily are the lady bits, tushy, and armpits; the rest every few days or so. Our skin needs some oil on it!

HOW THE HELL DOES SHE KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE?!?!? TBH I think that capability, perhaps more than anything, is her biggest qualification as President.

Hey, that’s not a nice thing to say about cunts. You take it back!

“If I had a bowl of skittles, and I told you they were designed specifically to kill, would you take a handful?

Though it would be considered extremely bizarre to ask a straight woman if she tried sleeping with women to make sure she was straight

Nope.

Can’t wait to see how they spin this one to try to claim he didn’t say something horrible. Can. Not. Wait!!!!!