Thin Jonah Hill kinda looks like what grown up Kevin Arnold from the Wonder Years should have looked like: A mix of Fred Savage and Daniel Stern.

It should be a movie about Statham chasing the Rock all around the world and trying to convert him to Presbyterianism. They can call it Calvin and Hobbes.

“How did you lose your spleen?”
“Oh, you want the full ex-spleen-ation?”

I can not understand why someone hasn’t adapted Insomnia yet. It’s not just the first mention of the Crimson King, but the book is filled with some of King’s most arresting visual ideas. I just need a big studio to talk Shane Carruth into helming the adaptation.

A definitive ranking of the Sharknado films:

1. Sharknado 5: Global Swarming
2. Sharknado
3. Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No
4. Sharknado 2: The Second One
5. Sharknado 4: The Fourth Awakens

I was surprised and how genuinely fun the last one was after number 4 was basically gasping for air like a shark out of water. Plus, Finn’s…

Bless the Lloyd, I also think the Stupids is really funny and I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!

Or how Benny is just trying to give his friends Roger and Mark jobs, pays for his cheating girlfriend’s rehab, and for a long time looks the other way as they live rent free in his building. And, all he gets in exchange for it is contempt and a dead dog. Benny is the secret hero of Rent.

This ground beef beef
Has become too costly
Ronald’s milk shakes
When he hears about my Frosty.

No. I was on Twitter this weekend and I’m pretty sure that’s Kumail Nanjiani, you know, from the Big Bang Theory?

Hey, uh...

A thorough and scientific ranking of movie dogs:

1. Dogs (They’re all good dogs!).
2. Barf
3. Ghost Dog
4. Channing Tatum in Jupiter Ascending

It’s just like the night I lost my virginity.

I was reading an article the other day about the competition between the Lanchesters down in the Midlands and a Scottish car company run by the Strack family in the far North. Of the 7 dominant car families from Great Britain at the time, their feud was by far the fiercest.

That movie scared all Euphrates cats. But, I Tigris.

Parker Posey’s presence persistently promises perfectly pleasant programming.

I did community theater on a regular basis as a kid. I was doing a production of A Thousand Clowns as a dinner theater production for a moderately upscale local hotel (also the only time I got any money for acting). Anyway, show has like five parts and there are no understudies. I get the flu the night before dress…

Thankfully, I was already subscribed to the U2 podcast and I didn’t have to subscribe to a new one to get this. I guess you could say it came Automatic for the Peepholes. By peepholes I mean ears. Because peeps are noises you hear. And, ears are holes in which you hear noises.

Automatic for the Peepholes.

When me and my dudes get together, we love getting into real discussions about important issues. We ply ourselves in alcohol to loosen our tongues and than cover ourselves in the scented oils of the Socratic Method. Than, we take turns skewering each other with long, turgid arguments until we reach the ultimate…

“The Judge None Choose One brand—once the height of fashion, when it was adopted by skaters, graffiti artists, and, five years later, desperate-to-be-hip kids in Indiana middle schools”

Checks my middle and high school yearbooks...
Checks timeline...
Checks map to make sure I’m from Indiana

Yeah. This checks out.

I liked the update of Dickens starring Marcel Marceau. It starts with the line: “It was the best of mimes; it was the worst of mimes.”