Prepare to be obliterated as the final product of the steel-tempering, hotter than the sun, weekly Texans QB competition steps on the field! Or in the alternative one of these two sub-mediocre dickclowns.

“We now to go to Ferd Van Der Slicen for reaction from the Cardinals’ players on this seismic exclusion”

(Katie Nolan is sent large check from Greg Hardy to go away)

(daubs teary eyes with Kleenex) I don’t believe in nothin’ no more. I’m gonna go work for the International Olympic Committee!

You know what they say, familiarity breeds contempt, which is why I’m starting to hate the Cubs after all the articles on them.

♫ We are fam-i-ly

I’m disconcerted that the tagline for the film is the anachronistic “Wham Bam Thank Ya Ma’am”

People who care about Steve Jobs: it’s terrible the way some people live.

“Suspension in the Hands of Man who Whitewashed FIFA Corruption”

Somebody check all Jeff Goldblum-operated teleportation devices for recent activity.

Given the armed standoffs in Missouri and Illinois (cite needed), I always saw the Mormons as lucky 19th century Branch Davidians.

“I’m glad I checked out from this Earthly plane when I did.” — Invasion of the Body Snatchers Kevin McCarthy (1914-2010)

Hopefully Roy can rebound from this incident, but really what are the chances

Not to get cuticle, but I’m wondering with whom the aggrieved parties would file a complaint

“Do you know who I am? I’m D’haquille!”

Well no need to get into a huff about it.

With a payment schedule like that they should at least rename the field after Bobby Bonilla.

Holy shit, no idea he abandoned the lawyerin’ game for a lucrative rap career.

East Texas Volunteer Fireman #1: If only we had something to put this lake house fire out with

(uses VCR with blinking “12:00 a.m.” display as a prop)