“Sorry, DeAngelo, you know November is NFL White History Month. It’s a chance to satiate our reactionary fan base while celebrating hard work and grittiness.

“How in the HELL do they even have a team?“ — Jacksonvillians

If only this were the ESPN of 10 years ago, we could have gotten a JACKED UP and C’MON MAN on the same guy

That’s one crying Mets fan appearance for every HR Carlos Correa has hit this afternoon, in case anyone forgot there’s live baseball on.

The only thing left to do is to blow some mystery powder into the opposing player’s face, or maybe distract all 6-8 officials while one of his players executes an illegal chokehold

I don’t even understand why this is an issue; after all the minuscule disclaimer lettering clearly states [in the 8th of 9th paragraphs] that “You are a fucking dolt for even entertaining the notion of wasting money on this.”

I would imagine that any conscientious or concerned employer would have diverted him into treatment after the booster outburst, but hey, there are football games to be lost

Hey, the radio station’s call sign is W-FAN, not W-Reasonable Person With Sense of Proportion

I listened to about 5 minutes of Joe Torre’s in-game rambling with Ken Rosenthal, and it basically boiled down to “hey, it’s arbitrary, but we’re doing it.”

“Is there any truth to the rumor that as a ne’er-do-well teen you were known as Butt-head?”

I suggest getting a double bill with Corey Haim/Patricia Arquette dystopian Prayer of the Rollerboys. But here’s a taste

For me there’s only one Hail Caesar, and it was a mid 90s Anthony Michael Hall vanity project co-starring Iron Man and Nick Fury

I look for that omnipresent bearded Draftduel or Fankings guy to run an independent Presidential dressed up in libertarian garb, but mainly for the purpose of re-doing the class action rules. Enter promo code CITIZENSUNITED and your contribution will be matched up to $200.

Apparently a Canuck is a sliver of wood or plant material like bamboo inserted under one’s fingernails during torturous interrogation.

Crap, I thought he was allergic to my Aqua Velva aftershave.

Help me decipher the following Bill Raftery financial advice, which I transcribed onto a cocktail napkin: Come on a zzzzhheeezzzzz AND THE THROW DOWN aaaaahhhhh

The only thing better than a Tour de Trump through the pristine Meadowlands of New Jersey was his patriotic 1980 Summer Trumplypmics outside of Three Mile Island, giving our athletes denied a shot in Moscow their chance at glory.

At least a baby shits only into a diaper, as opposed to Tea Party GOP ‘leadership,’ who shit all over the country.

The lesson to other people of color who suffer at the hands of the NYPD is clear: become a fan favorite at the US Open for a decade or so.

Honest legal question: in particular cases does California have a civil suit statute of limitations that can extend to 40 years? Even when the victim is a minor, the statute is only tolled until they reach the age of majority, which happened 37 years ago. Or is it because the basis is recent defamation (i.e. calling…