His solid gold fidget spinner relaxs him.

I don't see the problem. Covfefe is a perfectly cromulent word.

I recall seeing a pile of glasses at the Holocaust museum in DC, seized from Jews on their way to the concentration camps. Sobering stuff. This geek's glasses… not so much.

Listen, strange restaurants lyin' in suburbs distributin' cardboard crowns is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical fast food ceremony.

No toupee comb? No Tic Tacs? No extra long tie (Scotch tape sold separately)? What a scam.

If they could stop taking 5 years off between albums, that would be great.

Of course he hates Planned Parenthood, their prime directive is to exterminate the whole human race.

No Morrisey? He's a Manchester native, and he was gonna perform some Smiths classics like Panic, Suffer Little Children, and Pretty Girls Make Graves.

Spielberg is such a Millenial. The 90s are over, stop trying to relive your childhood, young man!

If you really want to look hip and trendy, don't even ask for a beer, ask for a pulque. A canned pulque will suffice, but the best way to drink it is from a small, artisanal batch made in a pulqueria, which are only found in the old country. It's just more authentic and difficult to find, which makes it better. Beer…

Enjoy your death trap, ladies.

Zbigniew Brzezinski also died today.

I'd rather see a movie about John Wick's past. He just got back from Nam. He was hitchhiking through Oregon. Next thing he knows there's a bunch of cops chasing after him through the woods! He had to take them all out, it was a bloodbath!

My seldom seen "cousin", Gal Incognito, will be attending. Please ignore the Adam's apple and mustache.

I saw the first Star Wars when I caught the ferry to New York City. I needed a new heel for my platform shoe. So I decided to go to Coke City, which is what they called NYC in those days. So I tied a Pet Rock to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels…

That's not a handshake. THIS is a handshake:

Mo Tucker can't make it, she's going to a Trump rally that day, and Doug Yule's log business keeps him busy.

"What am I, chopped liver?" - Sterling Morrison's Hologram

Pretty Girls Make Graves
Girl Afraid
Panic
Suffer Little Children

So no Smiths reunion any time soon, huh? I guess the bomb will not bring them together.