*Spike Lee just tweeted support to Hasan Minhaj*

Who is attacking from the West? Jamie is the Warden of the West, they have no enemies there.

I'd rather not see his Diarrhea Planet or Anal Khunt covers.

I heard Chris Christie went into a shrimp contest, and ate every shrimp in the contest, and they had to put a weight limit on the contest.

Why are the ladies all covered up? Was is this, Saudi Arabia? Let's see the DaDDario's!

Your avatar is suspiciously similar to mine. Why, you're my… precise duplicate! I'll see you in court!

Good move, Tyra. Wiener kids need to get knocked down early, and often.

"They took her lunch money. She took their lives."

Kaya Scodelario, I'm surprised to learn, is from England. Her name is very New Jersey.

The Knick did it, though Typhoid Mary was a fat Oirish lass on the show.

Only if "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves is the theme song.

"Oh my God, I was wrong
I was a boy all along
You've finally made a donkey
- Yes we've finally made a donkey
Yes you've finally made a donkey out of me
I love you, Geppetto!"

Octopussy. Man, I must have seen that movie… twice.

Don't blame me, I voted for Chuy.

Johnny Cash, At Folsom Prison. There was only one woman there, but it was Johnny's wife, so Mike Pence was fine with it.

I can't wait to see the sprawling, immense metropolis that is Billings! They don't call it the Magic City for nothing!

Coincidentally, all of their mothers are named Martha.

I went to the School of Hard Knocks, majored in Ass Kicking, with a minor in Spanish Literature. Our commencement speaker was life, son.

I wouldn't go so far as to call the lady a bad dancer, I mean she got a rhythm problem. What's the girl gonna do? She's French Canadian.

I'd rather grab Ivanka's orbs, amirite fellas?