Why are we all forgetting that the Russians very clearly announced that they had been in touch with the Trump campaign all along—as reported by a bunch of different outlets?

So, Donald Trump, six Russian hookers, and a water cooler walk into a hotel room...

The Dear Peer.

Wait—old, rich, fat, white guy who yells a lot about guaranteeing success but can’t actually produce documentation of sustained success at the top management level loves other old, rich, fat, white guy who yells a lot about guaranteeing success but can’t actually produce documentation of sustained success at the top…

Better know a butthole. It’s the new Colbert segment to replace “Better Know a District.”

Really feeling good about that decision not to try for med school right now.

Why is it called “cricket” instead of “fuck it?”

Should really hit it off in the NFL. I imagine he’ll hit his stride immediately. As long as he doesn’t kneel during the national anthem, he’ll be sound as a pound.

Buffalo Bill’s

Leni Riefenstahl really was a talented woman.

...in bed.

You can stand him up at the gates of hell, but he won’t back down (he might break a few ribs though).

I’ve visited Dachau. They had really well-organized, efficient design there. The gas chambers are just a few steps from the ovens. And in between, there are little porticoes where, if you weren’t part of a mass-gassing, you could be conveniently stood up and have your brain stem blown out through convenient little…

I just want to add that the first half of the Zero Dark Thirty trailer is accompanied by Massive Attack’s “Angel,” which is pretty much the most baddest ass song of its kind—and also helps you to learn the lesson of the movie, which is to be afraid of CIA torturer guy.