I went to a funeral for a teenager and the service sheet was written in Comic Sans.

Whitefish AND lox. Local bagel place special. Also has tomato, cucumber and red onion on it.

What really impresses me about Japanese bento items is that Japanese children are expected to eat around the little toys without choking, whereas US children can’t (or won’t) be trusted to eat a Kinderegg properly.

From the linked article, RE: Lunchables:

Just do what I did in high school: have no sex and no friends. I turned out just fine!

Now that I think about it. I should have been more naked in my 20s.

This is exactly the kind of divide between French and American culture that rings true, for me and other fellow “internationals” friends, anyway. I’m more French in the sense that I’m reserved, a little brutally honest (don’t sugercoat stuff), dry and dark sense of humor, not big on loudness, excessive emotions, or…

This is probably why more than one person has told me they thought I was a snob or disliked them when we first met, even though I liked them and thought our initial interactions were just fine. Fortunately they gave me a chance and we ended up as good friends, but I always wonder how many potential friends I’ve missed…

I learned one very valuable thing from working retail (and six months in a call center):

Some people just do not have the temperament to deal with other people’s crap, and I am apparently one of them. I’d have to take off my shoes and probably also drop my pants to find things to count on to get to the number of times…

Those who dedicate themselves to other noble purposes — sisters who run an orphanage or lifelong friends who decide to share retired life together — are not married.

Newsflash - people have a really hard time being in long term monogamous relationships and society’s weird, unnecessary and CONSTANT shaking finger makes it harder for people to just be able to admit that to themselves, and find relationships that DO work for them. But SURPRISE when you guilt them into obeying…

Word. Byron was totally the Adam Levine Bro King of eighteen hundred and froze to death. Mary was all “more like eighteen hundred and bored to death.”

“Eighteen hundred and froze to death” is pretty cute for Victorian humor. A+, would recommend this snark.

I work for the Feds in a legal capacity. The Washington Post reporters and “federal personnel experts” are overstating this. Trust when I say they have bigger issues on their hands right now than this (meaning the federal government data hack from a couple months ago, that is still a huge issue around here). I will be…

If you signed up for Ashley Madison with your work email, you should absolutely be fired. Not because of ethics, but because you’re too fucking stupid for employement.

These puns are baaaaaaaaad.

Wouldn’t free ketchup actually be commie? Charging for it is very American and capitalist.

Obviously children with Down syndrome are wonderful, adorable children, but the decision to move forward with a genetic abnormality should always be an informed choice. My husband and I decided we would for Down Syndrome, but I’ve had extensive experience with special needs children. They need so much attention,…

Oh my god I know. Our best friend is getting married next weekend. They had the bachelor party last weekend. Four days and about $1000. The wedding is in NYC, and we need to be there for about 6 days for all the ~events~ that will happen before and after. Plus tux rental, gifts, dress and shoes. This wedding is so…

I have a vast collection of stuffed monkeys.