When I was in high school, a guy tried to rob me when I was working overnight at a grocery store and I broke his nose with a pepperoni stick.

Between pitches I get distracted by the mind game between pitcher and batter (and defense). But admittedly that’s not an easy thing for the layperson to learn.

With football, I can drift away from the action at a set rhythm and not miss anything. That’s the secret sauce. All those in-game stoppages are useful for my digital needs.

“Tenths Of A Second”; brought to you by the same short assholes that gave us the penny.

I will say this: I occasionally frequent a football-related website. The fan site itself might skew a little more liberal than you might expect, but what has been stunning is the amount of high-level discussion. Football fan boards are supposed to be one step removed from 4chan, and yet I’ve seen a steady, consistent…

More or less Babe Ruth. More or less Jesus. More or less my write-in vote for president.

Rotten love. The briefs.

That hug is making me tear up. I’m such a sucker for the Olympics.

The same reason I leave the fridge door open. I know I’m coming back later, so why the extra fuss?

He's going to use it as a plate, right??? OMG please find the lid to see if he used it as a plate!!!!

“Shut up.”

-Buffalo

The ghost of George Steinbrenner would like a word with Mr. Matsui about his hair.

A racist, a cheater, a misogynist, and a douchebag walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Sorry, Mr. Trump, we’re closed.”

Just get him on TV in LA outside of TWC. It’s a shame his twilight years have not been exposed to the masses because of Dodgers ownership.

Of course Vin can talk about dirt for so long. They were born on the same day.

I think Vin calls a game better though.

Dear Fox: C’mon, get him on the Series. You can make this happen. Let the whole nation get one more chance to listen to the best to ever do it.

Papi u mad

John Kasich is that guy one step above you on the corporate ladder who seems like a good mentor so you go out for drinks with him one day after work and he lays out his theory on ‘the blacks’ until you pretend your wife just called with a baby emergency.

Kasich is like that guy at work who seems like a reasonable human being when you meet him, but then later you find out he’s some weird masochism fetishist who likes being stung in the balls by jellyfish.

Yeah, that’s why I said there were two separate injuries being reported.