When I was a kid watching TV, if someone got hit on the head and lost their memory, the only way to get it back was to hit them on the head again.

Omg omg omg omg omg omg

Women can now go to a women’s college! This marks the end of the women’s college!

I could write the syllabus for that class.

Bongs B4 dongs.

Congratulations!

When I found out that my abusive ex-husband was also a cheating then-current-husband, I kicked his ass out. In August. In Georgia. In 100 degree weather. After screaming at ex with such ferocity that even The World’s Most Docile Dog was growling at me, I threw ex out and locked the door. I could hear him calling…

My ex thought it was a good idea to move to another state and hide from child support. Since he had such a consistent history of cheating I thought it would be easy to track him down on Craigslist’s Missed Connections. Someone had to know him because he had penis and it did wander. A lot. He also loved to make sure…

It started out as sniffling around the time the first verse ended. Then it went down hard and I thought I would save some pride if I concentrated on finishing the song instead of crying ugly sobs. By the time I was at “Pain is all you’ll find” I stopped singing altogether & cried into the mike - big ugly sobs. I cried…

I dated a guy in law school who broke up with me, on Valentine’s Day, in a fancy French restaurant. Apparently he thought I would not make a scene in public. Apparently he had learned shit about me in that year we dated. I bounced a bowl of fancy little French pickles off his forehead, one by one, and the waiter…

My only serious college boyfriend and I were both huge stoners and our relationship mostly revolved around smoking out of his giant, beloved two-foot decorative purple bong named “The Mystery Machine,” having sex and playing Super Smash Bros. Melee. He was in the Army ROTC had to enter the service after college. Since…

Broke up with boyfriend of 3 years over the phone (LDR) because I couldn’t let him spend thousands of dollars on a vacation for us when I knew I didn’t want to be with him anymore. Proceeded to get black out drunk at a dive bar with my two best friends - and I mean DIVE bar. Like the lights were harsh, the bartenders…

I was going through a very ugly divorce. My husband cheated multiple times and eventually moved out. While this was going on, I had to change the locks on the doors to my house due to a burglary, and didn’t tell him. One day, he stopped by to get something from the house and couldn’t get in. He flew into a rage and…

Stopped dating... after the last highly manipulative cheating sack. I was in my mid-thirties. I am now 56. AND very happily single.

“HE was the one who decided what to draw, and he was not accustomed to clients telling HIM what to do.”

“Hey, I know you came in and wanted a cherry blossom tattoo to remember your dead mother, but as an Artiste, I decided to tattoo you with this color portrait of Alan Alda eating a pork chop. YOU ARE WELCOME TO…

I think I’ve read that Mookie is so good at bowling he considered the PBA for a career at one point. Dude is Bill Brasky come to life.

My sophomore year of HS we played Mookie Betts (his senior year) in a sectional final basketball game. Their squad slowly butchered us as Mookie smoothly dropped 30+ points. At the end of the game, accepting defeat, our coach looked to the end of the bench to put in some sophomores. A few of us jogged in to play the…

I tend to read the bottom half of Dirt Bag’s by just skimming the bolded names and seeing if I care about any of those folks. I was really intrigued when I thought there was an item concerning Pamela Anderson and Rick Santorum.

Oil change for a 69 Ford Falcon - “Sir, you’re going to have to get a new Serpentine Belt before you can roll off the lot.” Me: “Oh, will have I have to wait the 15 years for the Serpentine Belt to be invented?”