Jesus, why not name him John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt and get it over with?

That shit is not confusing. That shit is basic human anatomy, and if someone is getting flummoxed by that, then they've got a lot more significant battles to fight. If we're going to excise all non-Latin terminology from our language to avoid confusion for the ill-educated, then why the fuck did we bother going…

I always loved Taylor Negron's stand up and it was always a treat when he'd pop up in a movie or on a TV show. He stole my heart when, a couple of years back, some actor from Sons of Anarchy actor murdered his former landlady and Taylor Negron, who was her friend and also a former tenant, wrote a beautiful tribute to…

As a fellow MIT alum, I thank you for looking this up.

Alas, it appears he is an alum (twice over, if you count Sloan!), but under the name of Lead Wey. He changed it because Brandon Wade sounded "more Hugh Hefneresque"....

I have the same question. My brain keeps seeing it as a porpoise deep-throating a salami.

Sure, there are good reasons to not order farm-raised salmon. But this dude was somebody who clearly didn't actually ever want to order the salmon OR the beer and just wanted to ask stupid questions for no reason at all. If he'd actually cared how much beer was in a pint, he would've ordered the pint, but he didn't,…

So free healthcare but I'm paying out my ass for chicken? No thanks, Canada, no thanks.

It's almost seems like the fact he's pushing 40 and his job involves getting hit by 300 lbs dudes half his age moving 20 mph is somehow negatively impacting on his performance.

probably some combination of showering, pain pills and sleep, but it's anyone's guess

"You're unlikely to find a more impressive incomplete pass"

If you really care so much about Texas' reputation, you might consider representing it better. Because you're more angry about someone on a website taking a shot at your homophobic state legislature than the illegal and hateful things said legislature is actually doing. And that's pretty fucked up.

I had a mad crush on a trainer at the gym for months. He kept flirting with me but wouldn't take it further. One day he had a really pretty girl as a client. You could see he was all impressed with her.

1. I used to live in a really cute little garden apartment. There was no screen on the door, and since I had total privacy and safety, I used to leave the door open all the time to get fresh air. One night I was working at my desk and out of the corner of my eye, saw a small animal enter the apartment. It was black,…

So much clutziness, so little time... Ok, top two:

I have another story. Sorry. I have many scars and some pretty hilarious stories that coincide. I'll make this one brief.

I was in a rehearsal for my final year at University the piece was being choreographed by the dean of the dance school. He was asking for a move where you flick your leg backwards and toward your head. Sees me and says 'yeah like Missamoo is doing it' Of course every body stops to see me do it, I do it again with a…

I was a chubby 12-year-old with a false sense of security in my dance abilities. With a running start, I dashed down my hallway, jumped, clicked my heels together in the air like I was Danny fucking Kaye, then broke my ankle and screamed like a maniac.

so I was working at my library job fixing dilapidated books. I reach out to grab some sellotape and take a hunk off my knuckle on the serrated part. Stung a bit, annoying. I then used my other non sore hand for the next piece of tape, same bloody thing nice grated knuckle. I'm feeling in need of some sympathy now so I…

I didn't seriously injure myself, but it was the type of injury that could only be sustained through the course of being a douchy teenager.