You just never know when the next chimney-specific jilted lover post might come along.

Not me honey. I am BANKING on my cougar re-awakening.

Especially since Stallone's had so many facelifts he looks like an aging but imperious soap opera matriarch.

The great thing about stuff like that is that you can SO MUCH ENJOY sitting and eating cheetos when you know the rest of the family is on the camping trip. It makes the most trivial things seem great. Like, if you go to do laundry during that weekend—woo hoo! I'm doing laundry by myself! I'm taking damp tissues out of…

I was a cocktail waitress at a filthy titty bar

My best quitting story happened when I was working at a coffee place on my university campus. I had worked there for two years before I quit. The main reason I quit was because of this one girl. She was a terror. She would call people: stupid fucking bitches, dumb cunt, homophobic slurs, etc. She also was lazy as hell…

When you read about capitalist theory it all seems so neat and tidy, when there's a surplus of labor wages are lower, and when there's a shortage wages will go up because workers will be in higher demand.

'I had to use a toothbrush to break it up.'

Thank you for destroying my innocence.

Jezebel: Stories of courage for the 21st century!

Wait, you've said twice now that this "requires non-believers to completely adhere to all of those beliefs". That is completely false. If you enter a mosque there are dress codes. You do not have to temporarily convert and adhere to all Muslim beliefs, you just have to wear something that might be different from what…

You are mistaking compliance and reverence for respect. I actually feel bad for you, because you are missing a lot of what this world has to offer if you walk through life so narrowly focused on your own way of being and are not able to accept, even for a few moments, another culture or religion's way of doing things.

You have strong beliefs that aren't necessarily wrong but that doesn't give you a carte blanche to act like a dick in other people's countries, places of worship, private institutions, homes, etc. etc. etc. That kind of thinking is petulant, disrespectful, and comes from a completely reflexive place.

I was 19 at a friend's house party and I got really,really,really drunk. No dinner + vodka. BUH BYE.

I subscribe to that driver's license photo theory. One year I waited until the last minute to get mine renewed. I hadn't gotten a haircut in months (more procrastination) and it was sleeting that day and I had a miserable cold. Plus they made me take my glasses off (I am never not wearing glasses, except when I sleep;…

She was born in Rome and speaks Italian fluently. How is it fake and touristy?

actually i really like how it starts "well look who it is" for so many reasons- like, as if it's a surprise??? that he's here?? or that he's here and we're in an 80s movie taking place at some kind of ski villa and that fauxbeet is the Hot Shot Bad Guy?

You might ask if she's.... COMING OR GOING.

he becomes a werewolf after his 13th birthday? So Werewolf Bar Mitzvah spoke the truth?

"Hire and editor...."

The worst part about Ndamukong Suh doing this shit (besides the potentially injuring people part, obviously) is it's going to make me agree with either Skip Bayless or Stephen A. Smith tomorrow.