Jesus titty fucking Christ. I mean, holy fucking shit. I’m exhausted just from reading this entire article And I can’t form coherent thoughts.

I’m disappointed by cakes that ARE NOT dirty cakes. But I also own several dick cake pans.

OH man- that car logo sticker next to actual logo on the car hurts me physically. I feel irrationally compelled to pull up next to them and say something like, hey man nice ride. What is it again? It looks so familiar.

Watching right now.

He looks like he gets really sweaty just walking from the bed to the bathroom.

I had a paraguard for ten years and was super paranoid aaaaaaallllll the time. Had my tubes tied a year ago and still had an ultrasound a few months after just be sure.

Only the one Fallopian tube was removed? Cuz there are two.

Well shit dude. I feel like we don’t even need to create a religion for that. Just do it and claim religious freedom. That’s how that works right?

See now, I always thought that religious freedom meant a person may practice any religion they choose without fear of persecution from the government. Apparently religious freedom means any asshole can say or do whatever they want based on fear and ignorance. I’m kind of pissed about how much energy I’ve put into…

Yes!!! He is the cutest. See? We’re talking about it.

Same. More accurately, I’ve stared keeping a counter of how many times a day I say, “what the fuck” at varying levels of intensity. So far today it’s kind of low but I haven’t been online much and neither dog puked in the middle of the night.

I’m 36 and I want to punch her.

Oh man this pisses me off. But if it’s on one of the steaming services I use, I’ll for sure watch it. Just to get more pissed off.

I grew up in super northern VA, 13 miles from the state line with WV. The only time the bible ever came up was in Latin class, when we compared ancient roman myths to the stories from the bible. They are the same stories, different names, but the same.

I am 1000% okay with this. And not at all ashamed either.

YES. This feels like an appropriate place to talk about the boil I developed last month. Very, very, very high up on my inner thigh. Almost in my twat. It hurt sooooo much. Only later did I remember how lazy I’d been for a few weeks, hanging out in my sweaty gym clothes all day instead of showering or even just…

Nah dude- you got the name right. That’s his name forever at my house since I had that fucking theme song stuck in my head for YEARS.

My story Isn’t nearly as interesting as any of these, but I’ve always found it odd. I’ve had the same phone number since 2002. For the first few years I would get calls for someone called Terry (not me of course). Everytime I would inform the caller that I am not Terry. After maybe five years the calls stopped. Last…

Meeee tooo. I have tons of gorgeous hair (only being a dick a little bit, strangers regularly stop me to tell me how beautiful my hair is) but I only occasionally do anything with it but let it hang. I suspect Posh spice paid someone to do her hair. I can make other people’s hair look great but I can’t do shit with…

So, I have kids. I aggressively try to talk childless people out of wanting to have kids. That is, if they express a desire to have kids. If they say nope it’s not for them, I’m all goddamn right it isn’t, DON’T DO IT.