I spent so much time trying to craft a Maroon 5 joke from this but it's just not my day.

She was released this morning and left with family. Too little too late. Are we as a society interested in reducing suffering and enabling and enriching healthy, meaningful and free lives, or just in forcing women to be unwilling incubators for the sake of numbers? I’d really like to know.

When they showed his hometown visit or whatever (I hate that I know the show vernacular) his whole family were those weird Midwest buck tooth inbred white people. His lisp just reads learning disabled to me. Gross. He does seem halfway self-aware compared to the rest of the degenerates but that does not sexy make. I'm…

Sham-pain?

On ANTM Tyra praised the boys for clenching their teeth which flexes jaw muscles and makes them look edgier and less like baby girls. Idk that or sour patch kids???

Looks like Sally Hansen Spray-on Legs repurposed for belly and boobs. Poor choice + poor choice. :(

If he's nice to you and doesn't seem creepy or dickish, why the hell not see? A few dudes I met from OKC bored the hell out of me, others could have been friends, but I was so hooked on the idea that THIS PERSON IS AUDITIONING TO BE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE that I felt like I had to dismiss them immediately if they didn't…

I recommend 5-htp and a chihuahua. But yeah for mood, sleep, PMS and appetite, 5-htp helps me a lot. When those things are solid, I take better care of myself, have more energy and feel generally A-OK. Chihuahuas just put the cherry on top!

I heard she suffers from chronic vagina. Sad!

Obviously Kanye and I are mind melding because I had no fucking idea. I just know his clothes look like hobo rags and burlap grain sacks.

Let’s just take it all the way to a kid’s show starring Joe the Gerbil.

Are you asking me to trot faster?

HULK ANGRRRRRYYYYYYYYY

Idk but from now on my work email sign-off will be:

I guess there was no control study conducted wherein she feeds men old hot dogs and squeeze cheeze and they still bone her?

Esp. “The Baby Jezuzz.”

K. Lol

Yes, exactly. Also, see Anthony Weiner. Would that story have been on the same scale had his last name been Jonhson? I mean, Boehner? Ok how about Smith?

Big mistake naming yourself The Honest Company. That’s what was asking for it, not her celebrity. No. 1 rule in PR is don’t set up your name, tag line or branding to be the punchline for a joke. Or if you do go down that road, you'd better be fucking perfect.