I have a crazy (don’t front, everybody has one) uncle that shot his wife in the head. Miraculously, she survived. My uncle was like, “Hey, It’s not like I killed her.” This logic reminded me of him for some reason.

Pretty certain that he got the tattoos in prison. He was put in prison for a crime committed while he was a police officer. The chronology of that means he did not have the tattoos when hired as a police officer.

Are we even going to feign surprise that a guy with multiple nazi tattoos got hired as a Louisiana police officer?

Bah Gawd! From the top rope!

Three MLB games? I thought the doubleheader was against the Orioles.

That’s a spicy baseball beef, but playing three MLB games in less than 24 hours does seem to be pushing it, especially with travel in there.

Oh I don’t think it’s plastic surgery. Either she has a much more serious condition they don’t want to disclose...or he did something and they’re covering for him.

OK, it’s definitely plastic surgery. Her face must not be healing as quickly as expected...or the damage done by Orange Asshole made things a little dicey...

When it comes to great athletes over 30, it seems like 9 times out of 10 what ends their careers isn’t a loss of skill or speed or power, but the inability to recover from injury. I hope she is able to comeback.

Somebody plunk that guy, he’s having fun!

When the mother of one of the kids refused to come pick up her son, the Birmingham Police Department decided to place the 15-year-old in protective custody. But the child somehow escaped from the juvenile facility, stole a city transit bus from the bus depot and led police on a high-speed chase through the city.…

BPD. A young black life senselessly spared.

Or, you know, just say it was really his last name, like we all thought this entire time.

He isn’t going to respond to this one.

Does your employer engage in the political act of playing the anthem at the start of your workday? And did your employer allow itself to get bullied into its decision by a U.S. President with a stated interest in stoking outrage and division?

I think Thandie Newton and Woody Harrelson should have swapped roles. Woody dies during the heist and Thandie becomes Han’s mentor. If only so we could get more Thandie Newton.

As a Cavs fan, I needed to vomit, but my pregnant wife was too busy vomiting in our toilet so I had to vomit in the sink.

The saddest part is that he will be able to recall each of these moments perfectly for the rest of his life. Meanwhile J.R. Smith can’t remember the score for more than three seconds.

Goddamn you’re pathetic, there’s a time honored way for Drake to handle this, but I see this new age dickriding your doing is the preferred choice.