Reminds me of the time when I broke my arm playing in a JV game. The next day I came to practice with my arm in a cast. My coach got excited at the prospect of wrapping the cast in a ace bandages so I could use it like a club. Until I explained to him that I was there to clean out my locker, my parents had decided…

I nominate Mr. Hemmerling for the Pulitzer of Deadspin comments, 2019.

Serves him right for showboating.

Uh, Hem?  This may be redundant, but this IS an Arby’s, and you’re just screaming at your meat station.

YEAAAAAAAAAH

That’s because it’s so common they’d never get anything done if they checked on all the kids who got laid out. There’d be no time for growth. No time for teaching. No time for going with your gut. No time for liking the cut of someone’s jib. No time to double-down. No time to fourth meal. No time to just do it. No…

I have a couple pairs of boxers with no fly and I fucking hate it when I’m in bed and I decide to masturbate and then it turns out I’m wearing one of the no-fly boxers so I have to either not masturbate (as if!) or take my boxers off completely like a fucking caveman in order to masturbate.

For food we had: Steak. Burgers. Bar-b-que. Pizza. Beer. Soda. Milkshakes. Mari-fucking-juana. A DJ. Ice cream cake.

I do enjoy the complaint about run-on sentences within a 96-word, full paragraph of a sentence.

As much as I am in tune with the political leanings of the GMG sites, the Kinja commenting system is pathetic.

I know exactly how Andrew Luck feels. I mean, I don’t have a degree from Stanford or a bunch of athletic ability or millions of dollars or a super-high IQ. But I have been booed by people in Indianapolis. And my boss does a lot of drugs.

It is not a sport for weak men. He never should have taken all that money if he knew he was just going to run away from the sport, with his tail between his legs, because he got a couple of booboos. Football is for real MEN and not these entitled CHILDREN who want their paychecks without giving it everything they…

“Sure, we could have demanded he pay us the money back. But that didn’t feel like the right thing to do. Andrew was more than just our quarterback, he was the person we rallied around after we let Peyton Manning go He brought us together: our present, our future and our glorious past. From our point of view, he helped…

This is precisely why Eisenhower warned us about the Notary-Industrial Complex. 

Holy fuck I’ve never used the word notary.

A lot of people can’t handle witnessing the truth. 

Very true. My uncle was a notary public. That career is no joke.

Andrew Luck’s retirement will only increase the primal urgency of Football Men to find True Football Believers to play football, so that they don’t ever question their faith in it.

No one picked The Iliad and The Odyssey? What?