Yeahhhhhh I call bullshit on him retiring after 10 movies. QT just loves mythologizing himself. I give him 5 years after movie #10 before he un-retires, ala Soderbergh.

Ooh, now narrate the fall of American democracy. 

This is the old man I strive to become.  Has empathy, but not without enjoying the absurdity of life. Also I would like to own a hat

Of course Cashman supports law enforcement. Ever notice all those thin blue lines on Yankee jerseys?

“Unique circumstances”

Go to a boozy brunch in midtown. Find the woman who has said these two things

It makes me very happy to peer into my garage gym and ruminate on how assembling everything in there cost about as much as 3 months of a Crossfit or fancy gym membership. Sometimes, when I’m really feeling frisky, I’ll even grab a rag and wipe off some of the dust.

HELL YEAH! Gimme that sweet, “Hamilton Nolan shits on a popular health trend under the guise of current news but actually because he actively hates all fucking gyms.”
Crossfit? Fuck you, do burpees till you puke in your backyard!
Soul Cycle? More like butthole cycle! Ride your fixed gear bike up an incline hill until…

I included them specifically for the usual Deadspin schadenfreude.

I’m rooting for the team without the racist name/mascot.

FIFY

MACHETE SAVES

God damn, thank you for this

To be fair, the river did stare at that home run for a really long time.

As someone who is not familiar with the Meat Loaf oeuvre, that took a bit of googling. But that was pretty damn good. 

How, HOW, did that only have 21 stars? That is a work of art.

Yeah its so boring which is why I remember exactly how she looked, what she said, what she was wearing, how she tasted, how she felt... but I was terribly bored the entire time. It’s definitely not the only time I almost had sex.

Also I went to Harvard and she was totally impressed with that. I didn’t bring it up, she…

I miss when you had to draw your sex organ and mail it across the country in the hopes that the horse drawn carriage pulling your mail across the rugged, undeveloped landscape becomes waylaid by a pack of female bandits who seize the mail, find your hand drawn sex organ, and eventually track you down because, my man,…

Many girls were upset at the impossible standards Coach Meat set, offering only moderate praise for a .667 batting average.