Yeahhhhhh I call bullshit on him retiring after 10 movies. QT just loves mythologizing himself. I give him 5 years after movie #10 before he un-retires, ala Soderbergh.

Ooh, now narrate the fall of American democracy. 

This is the old man I strive to become.  Has empathy, but not without enjoying the absurdity of life. Also I would like to own a hat

Of course Cashman supports law enforcement. Ever notice all those thin blue lines on Yankee jerseys?

“Unique circumstances”

Batman “Looking down on Earth from the Watch Tower, Earth is so Fragile”

Go to a boozy brunch in midtown. Find the woman who has said these two things

It makes me very happy to peer into my garage gym and ruminate on how assembling everything in there cost about as much as 3 months of a Crossfit or fancy gym membership. Sometimes, when I’m really feeling frisky, I’ll even grab a rag and wipe off some of the dust.

HELL YEAH! Gimme that sweet, “Hamilton Nolan shits on a popular health trend under the guise of current news but actually because he actively hates all fucking gyms.”
Crossfit? Fuck you, do burpees till you puke in your backyard!
Soul Cycle? More like butthole cycle! Ride your fixed gear bike up an incline hill until…

I included them specifically for the usual Deadspin schadenfreude.

I’m rooting for the team without the racist name/mascot.

FIFY

Okay, if we don’t get a scene with Eddy and the Symbiote arguing ala Gollum/Smeagol in The Two Towers I’m going to be upset.

I’m just glad I can officially call it Venom 2: The Smeaquel now.

MACHETE SAVES

God damn, thank you for this

To be fair, the river did stare at that home run for a really long time.

I miss when you had to draw your sex organ and mail it across the country in the hopes that the horse drawn carriage pulling your mail across the rugged, undeveloped landscape becomes waylaid by a pack of female bandits who seize the mail, find your hand drawn sex organ, and eventually track you down because, my man,…

Many girls were upset at the impossible standards Coach Meat set, offering only moderate praise for a .667 batting average.