May your time lording over those fowl beasts never come to an end.

The rise of salmonella cases can be directly correlated with the increase of the hashtag #CockKissChallenge. So, much like everything else, I blame kids and their social medias.

So he got the real Portland confused with the imitation Portland?

Well, you either die a hero or live long enough to become a juggalo.

The best hallucinatory drug trip scene is where he’s communicating with the cat, based on an earlier conversation.

While I understand the journalistic downside to all these new chicken sandwiches, I see nothing but upside as a consumer.

pineapple seltzer.

It absolutely is.

Back before the pandemic, I liked hosting DIY food parties. Sushi parties were done frequently. Everyone brings different items (generally the host makes the sushi rice) and you can make whatever combinations you can think of.

That’s some lame ire over a misspelling.

Mr. Homolka was eating tres leches cake in the book, not sesame cake.

I bought dried beans when the pandemic first started as a precautionary measure, but I usually use canned. Cans of beans never went away, so I still have bags of dried beans. I know how to use them, it’s just it takes a lot more planning than I intend to do. I’ll use them eventually, but I’m not in a rush. 

When doing fried eggs, I’m generally a mix of sunny side down and crispy.

Too much breading. What is this, the Carboniferous period? I’m trying to eat Paleozoic here.

For the longest time I couldn’t get his immersion blender mayo/aioli to work. Took a while, but I realized that by doubling the recipe, the stick blender’s head is finally submerged enough for this trick to work. 

The only time I’ve thrown something in the kitchen was when I fucked up hollandaise two times in a row. This was a decade ago and I still don’t want to ever try it.

One of my favorite moments from Beat Kids was an interview at a beauty pageant, where the kid asks a woman “So how was the soup?” “What soup” she replies. “The one that came free with your haircut.”