I'm going to see The Sword on 9/22 and if the venue wasn't 15 minutes from my apartment, I would have to pay a $4.50 Ticketmaster fee on each $13 ticket. So aggravating.

Yeah somehow its supposed to help the "consumer" by making tickets that were once impossible to get available only at astronomical prices. At least now we know we could've bought them, if we weren't such poor pieces of shit!

Isn't that picture just left over evidence from the Ted Bundy trial?

I hear Tony Plush's middle name is "Yiff."

Luckily, he fit right into Sgt. Hightower's old uniform.

Songs That Make You Feel Really Old When You Think About The First Time You Heard Them DUAN. This one got heavy play during my freshman year of college.

Well I guess Kevin Nash won't be shopping there either.

I like to think that Flo is just like Isla Fisher's character in "Wedding Crashers." I bet she likes to be choked with that headband.

"As was stated at the outset, it serves no useful purpose to speculate about hypothetical outcomes."

Once he comes out of his coma, Warren Jeffs would like to challenge Justin in a beating off contest any day of the week.

'Mathematically we're not out of it, but any smart man doesn't like our chances.'

At least you had the will to hang up. I had to suffer through twenty minutes of gentle sobbing.

I think by earning a star on deadspin I should just automatically get them on all the other sites. Someone at Gawker must really hate me, because I'm still just a gray face.

"Number one fear of the retardos? Fork in electrical outlet. That's their Omaha Beach."

"If it feels like more than two fingers, its probably a dick."

OK I counted at least three Al Borland lookalikes in that crowd.

+1

Well if that's what you're looking for, just follow around Rupert Murdoch with a camera for like, 8 seconds.

So when scandals like this happen and the phrase "We will review our editorial process..." is used, they really mean "We'll hurriedly put together an editorial process in place in a slapdash fashion", right?

That's the last time I hire a gang of cheerleaders to renovate my house. Use a hammer for fuck's sake!