I've already started writing the sequel, Manetball, about a guy who loved a woman who wasn't clean.

Here's one: People who throw out their garbage in other people's garbage cans. I'm not talking about one or two items, but when they fill that shit to the brim so you have no room for your trash. Ah the joys of apartment living.

People who buy $5000 worth of lottery tickets when I just want to pay for some fucking gas. Tell you what: you give me half the money you were going to spend, I'll hit you in the face with this claw hammer, and we'll call it even.

Did anyone watch "The Day The Earth Stood Still" on FX last night (the remake)? Here's one of the things I don't understand about that movie: the government manages to get Gort into a big missile silo or whatever, and their master plan is to.................poke him in the eye with a drill? Also, how did they pick…

I'm going to illegally download this piece of garbage and still demand my money back.

I know, I've finally cracked. I need a refill on my medication. And by medication, I mean crippling amounts of bourbon.

In the immortal words of Rand McPherson: It doesn't matter who wins, cuz they're all losers!

Boy your brother must've been real tired when he went to his job as a high powered investment banker/captain of industry/grill monkey at Burger King.

I would rather have the United States turn into fucking THUNDERDOME than have to see the words "Lulzsec" or "4chan" mentioned ever again.

You know what, fuck the internet. All of it. Just turn the whole thing off. People will cope, I am sure. This is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever read in my life.

I don't know about you losers, but I'll be attending the JIMMER JAM on June 23!

This guy agrees 10,000%:

Wait, its..........BukOWSKI? .....................Uh-oh.

Well at least SOMEONE is doing business at a Barnes & Noble.

The only thing better than the word "mongoloid" is the fact that it was a medically accepted term up until the 1960s.

I like how the broad on the right decided covering her armpit in paint was just too much effort.

Wait ten minutes, then place the clothes in the basket. That's perfectly acceptable. Its only a dick move if you throw the shit on the floor the second the dryer stops.

Every waking moment is an internal struggle for me to not post on that site, lest I get banned and fuck up my other Gawker accounts.

Just be sure not to draft this broad:

Soooooooo you're saying that I have to cook my own pot roast tonight?