Well once he called me a dickbag, things went downhill rapidly.

I ditched my Twitter account once Jose Canseco blocked me.

What ever happened to the good ol' days of just whipping your junk out on a public bus? Technology ruins everything.

Mexican soccer officials should allow these guys to play, but as a punishment, only let them consume water from a Mexican kitchen faucet during the game.

"When I was a child I made foolish decisions; now that I'm a man, I make great decisions."

Just keep him away from fire!

Golf is so much better on vinyl.

Its a little known secret called Scotch. Look into it.

Alright, just take down the WNBA ad. No one is buying tickets for that shit.

Doris looks like Skeletor in a cheap wig and a Lord & Taylor pantsuit.

I love how the camera just tried to completely cut Doris Burke out of that last shot. She no lookey good in hi def.

Giant turd Colin Cowherd talked about this on his show the other day. Apparently he believes that "cousin" has a negative connotation. As in, saying something like "I'm starting a business with my cousin" dooms you to failure.

There's enough footage of that for the next 650 editions of Madden.

I was so excited when I bought this book, until I realized that I had inadvertently grabbed the version by Stevie Wonder. 225 pages of nothing!!!

Man, I wonder how much it cost to bribe the ref in this game. Gotta be at least $100 and some Mad Dog 20/20.

CHESTERFIELDS: GOOD FOR YOUR T-ZONE

If she had smoked all 3500 cigarettes in a week, I might be impressed.

Hey, turns out I do have something in common with John Delaney! We've both never reached the top of Everest! Of course, I'm still alive SO TAKE THAT JOHN.

Until they can accurately recreate the experience of gettin' done ate up by a thresher on a computer, I ain't interested.

OK well I guess first up on the the list is trying to put this blood back into the hooker.